


Another High School Rom Com

by Aiden1999



Category: The Haunting of Bly Manor (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Cheerleader Dani, F/F, High School, Jealous Dani, high school rom com, jealous jamie, kinda based off the song Heather by Conan Gray, no ghosts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:21:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 24,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27541495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aiden1999/pseuds/Aiden1999
Summary: Dani is a popular senior at the top of the high school hierarchy. She's a cheerleader, VP of the senior class, and taken every AP class known to man. Her only escape from the every day drudgery of homework and mandatory pep rallies has been her babysitting job and her shy crush on a girl she's gone to school with for four years but has never talked to. She's been content to crush on Jamie from afar but the possibility of a new girl sweeping Jamie off of her feet kick starts a chain reaction of events fit for a teen rom com.
Relationships: Dani Clayton/Jamie, Hannah Grose/Owen Sharma
Comments: 103
Kudos: 575





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey,
> 
> I really love a high school au with this couple and I don't know why. I listened to the song Heather once and the thought of Dani singing this to Jamie popped into my head and I couldn't out of my mind for days until I wrote this so here it is. It's very poorly edited but enjoy, nonetheless. Please leave kudos and comments below because I crave the validation. Thanks.

It probably started Freshman year. Somewhere in between seeing Jamie for the first time, a flash of quirked lips and curly brown hair, during orientation and seeing her in passing throughout the halls in the following months. Dani hadn’t noticed when or why but at some point, she had started taking note of every glimpse of Jamie. Every word heard in passing that left her mouth, every word spoken about her, every and any mention of her name, Dani possessed it as if it were a gift. 

By their Junior year, Dani had accumulated quite a lot of information about Jamie (not too much to be creepy but enough to feed her interest) without actually talking to the girl. Which Dani had yet to do in the three years they had been going to school together. It wasn’t an intentional avoidance. Not really. They had never shared a class. Plus, Jamie and Dani just didn’t operate within the same social circles. 

Dani was set on leaving their small town as soon as possible via early admittance to any university that would have her. She wasn’t very picky. But she wanted her options to be large and diverse so she tried to pad her high school resume as much as she could while still having time to stow money away, babysitting. 

She was on the cheerleading squad, Vice President of their class, and editor of the yearbook. Sometimes, she was even an impromptu member of the drama club when Mrs. Howard asked if she could lend a hand backstage for any of the school plays. She had also taken almost every AP class available at their high school by the end of their junior year, stacking her schedule with zero and seventh periods to get a head start so she wouldn’t have to worry about credits her senior year. Due to her obsession with preparing for her college applications, Dani often ended up socializing with the same group of kids. Kids who were either also obsessed with getting into good colleges, or who just loved the popularity that went along with being captain of a team or president of their class. 

Jamie didn’t seem to have the same aspirations, Dani observed. Or if she did, she was much better at hiding it. 

From what Dani could see and hear, Jamie often spent more time smoking behind the gym than she actually did in class. She never saw her at any after school functions, never at any football games (the center of social activity at their high school), or the mandatory pep rallies. The only time Dani caught a glimpse of Jamie outside of the school day was when she spied her in the greenhouse, helping Mrs. Chen, one of the biology teachers, with the plants. Or, other times, but much rarer, Dani knew that Hannah Grose, a girl on the yearbook staff who also edited the school newspaper, sometimes asked Jamie for help writing or editing if they were falling behind on deadlines. Jamie didn’t seem to really socialize with anyone else outside of Hannah and their friend, Owen, a goofy boy who was in the school’s culinary arts program (which meant he just worked the lunch lines and student store throughout the two lunches the school administered). 

During her sophomore year, Dani had recognized her preoccupation with Jamie for what it was: a crush. 

She had quickly come to terms with her sexuality and crush right after that. She had allowed herself to be content with a quiet crush on Jamie, taking solace in whatever she could gather in stolen glances and bits of gossip. That had been her plan for the rest of high school. She wasn’t willing to put herself out there in any way that could take away from her plan for early acceptance and, or, put her at risk for rejection and outright humiliation. Dani was comfortable with that plan. She was content. But two things had changed by the time senior year had rolled around. First, it appeared that for the first time in four years, Dani and Jamie actually had a class together. AP Lit, specifically. Second, Jamie appeared to have a girlfriend. And it slowly began to ruin Dani’s life. 

***

Dani had quickly gathered a handful of information after spying the new girl interacting with Jamie in the halls several times throughout the first few days of school. Walking close enough that their arms brushed each other’s, usually laughing at something Jamie had said. Dani swore she had seen the girl place her hand on Jamie’s arm a couple of times. The image had poked at something unpleasant in Dani, something she hadn’t ever felt before and something she didn’t ever want to feel again. 

The girl’s name was Heather. She was new (obviously) from out of state. She was also a senior. She was bisexual. And, admittedly, she was very pretty. Pretty enough that several people at Dani’s lunch table took notice. Peter, of course, couldn’t help comment on it. Which earned him a whack on the arm from Rebecca, his girlfriend, and the only person at the table Dani would consider a close friend. 

“What? I’m stating facts,” Peter argued, hands raised in self defense. 

“No one asked,” Rebecca said. Of course, a small argument breaks out which quickly ends in Dani following Rebecca out of the lunch room to wander the halls. They didn’t have hall passes but no one really minded since they were seniors and cheerleaders. 

Walking next to Rebecca, Dani couldn’t help the mild pang of guilt she felt. She knew Rebecca had pushed the issue because of Dani. Rebecca was the only person Dani had ever 1) come out to and 2) had told about her crush on Jamie. She couldn’t help but fumble out an apology. 

“Nonsense, it’s not your fault that Peter’s an asshole,” Rebecca said. “Even if you didn’t have feelings for Jamie, it’s so uncivilized to comment on a girl’s appearance, especially, in front of your girlfriend.” 

“Yeah, I guess so,” Dani said. 

“But speaking of Jamie,” Rebecca started. “What are you going to do about that situation?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean this new girl has only been here, what? A week? That’s not enough time to have fully entangled herself with Jamie,” Rebecca said, residual agitation from her encounter with Peter still present in her demeanor. “And you’ve been infatuated with her for years. The least you could do is shoot your shot while the relationship is still new and the chance of serious heartbreak is small.”

Both Dani's heart and stomach bunched up uncomfortably at the mention of Heather “fully entangled” with Jamie. “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” she said.

“Why not?”

“Rebecca, I’m not a homewrecker. Plus, I don’t think Jamie likes me like that,” Dani said, her discomfort and insecurity growing every second they kept talking about Jamie. “I don’t even know if she knows my name.”

“Nonsense, Dani, everyone knows your name.” Rebecca brushes the thought aside with the same unrelenting confidence that never ceased to amaze Dani. “The amount of people obsessed with you is astronomical. And why should Jamie be any different? She’d be lucky to have you even talk to her. You’re a goddamn catch.”

“I appreciate the confidence, but still, she has a girlfriend.”

Rebecca groaned. The cadence of their walk had slowly begun to speed up. “You’re not hearing me. We don’t even know for sure that they’re dating. And, girlfriend or not, you never do anything for yourself.”

Dani’s mouth falls open. It takes her a few seconds to think of something to say. “I do things for myself.”

“Studying doesn’t count,” Rebecca said. “You throw yourself into school and cheer, you take care of your mom, and spend every other moment not with me taking care of those two little kids.”

“It’s my job, I’m a babysitter.”

Rebecca just shook her head. “You never do anything for yourself. I swear, you haven’t done one selfish thing since I’ve known you.”

“I can be selfish,” Dani said but it fell on deaf ears. Rebecca, apparently, was too much on a roll.

“You’re seventeen, Dani, it’s okay to be selfish right now. Especially about this kind of stuff. Let’s be honest, no high school relationship is that deep and meaningful. This isn’t a marriage we’re talking about. Just talk to the girl. It’s been three years of silent pining. Time to do something about it before it’s too late.”

“You’re being very dramatic,” Dani said.

“Yeah, well, I just started my period and they ran out of chocolate chip cookies in the student store.”

Dani stays quiet next to Rebecca as they continue their stride through empty halls, ruminating on her words about Jamie. She knew there was some truth there. 

As popular as Dani was apparently considered to be, she didn’t have much of a meaningful social life outside of Rebecca and, maybe Hannah, if friendly editing sessions after school counted. Cheer, pep rallies, dances and school council meetings all felt like one extended performance. She didn’t hate it but she got as much enjoyment out of those activities as she did in AP Calculus. Socializing with people who she was supposed to be socializing with just felt like work. As much as yearbook and homework did. After all those activities, Dani also often found herself tucking her mom in after coming home to find her passed out on the living couch. Or having to remind her when certain bills needed to be paid. 

Her only reprieve, apart from Rebecca, was relaxing with Flora and Miles, the siblings she babysat most weekends and some week nights. Instead of draining her more, the kids gave her a break from all the demands of the real world, distracting her with games and aimless TV watching. They didn’t require her to be a projection of herself, an overtly capable, cheerful overachiever. If anything, they brought out parts of Dani she rarely ever saw or felt anymore. Her childish side, the parts of her that were fun and uncaring, ate with them on the ground, hid underneath tables, drew on each other’s faces and didn’t care how she looked doing any of it. But Dani felt incredibly lame admitting that her only other friends were an eight year old and ten year old.

***

After her walk with Rebecca, Dani still had made no intentional choice to pursue, or even talk to, Jamie. But apparently, she hadn’t needed to. The next day in AP Lit, it’s Jamie who talks to her for the first time in three years. And, of course, Dani has a post it note stuck on her back. 

It was a work day which means Mrs. Howard was basically zoned out at her desk while the class pretended to work on their assignments. 

Jamie sat behind Dani, out of her line of sight, which Dani reasoned was probably a good idea, otherwise she'd spend all class outlining the curve of Jamie’s head. 

A good ten minutes into class and Dani felt a slight pull on her sweater. She ignored it briefly until the pressure increased. She turned around to find Jamie smirking at her. A sight which had her trying to catch her breath for a second. Dani must’ve been quiet for a second too long, long enough for Jamie to feel the need to fill in the silence. “You had something on your sweater there,” she said. And that’s when Dani noticed the pink post it note between Jamie’s thumb and index finger. 

“You’re the most perfectly splendid person Dani, please come again soon,” Jamie read. “Love, Flora.”

Dani’s face must have been the color of a peach with how hot her skin felt. Jamie continued to smirk at Dani’s silence. 

“Whoever Flora is, she must be crazy about you,” Jamie said. 

“She’s, uh, she’s not,” Dani didn’t think it was possible for her face to burn any brighter. “S-She’s this girl that I babysit. The Wingraves, over across town.”

“Oh, yeah. That huge mansion by the lake.”

“Yeah,” Dani struggled for any more information to explain herself. “She must’ve snuck it onto my backpack or something when I wasn’t looking.”

“Sneaky kid,” Dani smirked. “Her and her brother are little gremlins.”

“You know them?”

“Yeah,” Jamie said, shrugging as if it were the most casual thing in the world. “I work in their garden sometimes.”

“You work in the garden?”

“Yeah,” Jamie said, her smile growing the more Dani seemed to repeat whatever Jamie had just said. “Mrs. Wingrave likes how I do the flowers.”

“I’ve never seen you there before.”

“I didn’t think you would. I’m there at the crack of dawn before even God has woken up. I’m gone before noon usually.”

“Oh,” Dani said. “Yeah, I don’t hangout with the kids until dinner time.”

“Explains why we’ve never seen each other over there,” Jamie said, still smiling and seemingly amused. Dani, of course, is mystified by her smile, unable to look away. Silence settled over them for a moment before Jamie breaks it again.

“So are you?” Jamie asked.

“Hmm? Am I what?”

“Perfectly splendid?”

Dani laughed. “Flora seems to think so. But that might be because I let her stay up past her bedtime.”

“Naughty babysitter,” Jamie tsks. “How late?”

“Half an hour.” 

“Wow, absolute anarchy in that house.”

Dani, honest to god, giggled, and was immediately surprised and embarrassed at the sound. But it only seemed to embolden Jamie more. 

“So that’s what you do on the weekends, huh? No wild parties or scandalous escapades? You just stay up with children past their bedtime.”

“Only if they’ve finished their homework.”

Dani felt something in her heart stretch, similar to the movement of Jamie’s lips as her smile widened.

“I would’ve thought a girl as popular as you, cheerleader and all, would be out at countless parties,” Jamie said. “Getting groped by dumb jocks and the like.”

“I don’t really like parties,” Dani said, honest. 

“Why not?”

“Well, like you said, I don’t like being groped by dumb jocks,” Dani said. She hesitated for a second as she decided just how honest she wanted to be with Jamie. “I just, it’s draining to be around so many people for me, especially when I don’t have to be,” Dani decided to say. She doesn’t let on how she’s exhausted all the time, how any social gathering she went to exhausted her more than it seemed was worth it in the first place. But Jamie seemed to have some idea of the words she was holding back as she stared at Dani. She nodded in understanding. 

“Yeah, I get that,” she said. “People tire me out, too.” Dani hung onto every word as if they were precious stones, threatening to slip through her fingers. Jamie seemed to deliberate on something before speaking again.

“Not a long of people are actually worth the effort it takes to hangout with them,” Jamie said. 

“Well, I don’t know about that,” Dani said. Which was weird considering she only had three friends, two of which she was paid to look after. “There’s plenty of people worth the effort,” Dani said, putting her fingers up in quotation marks around the words “worth the effort”. “You just have to find them.”

“Find them?” Jamie asked. Her brow shot up. A very cute, incredulous brow, Dani couldn’t help but observe. “That implies I have to look for them.”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“I’m not one to go seeking out other people.” As Jamie said this, a small smirk grew along her lips, almost as if she was challenging Dani. Dani did her best to keep her eyes off of Jamie’s mouth.

“Well, maybe they’ll find you,” Dani said. 

“Maybe,” Jamie said, smirk still in place. Neither of them speaks. A weird air settled between them then. Almost like it was too thick to breathe. That’s when Dani noticed her body was completely twisted around, her upper torso pressed against the back of her chair to face Jamie. And that the edge of her chair had been pressed up right against the edge of Jamie’s desk. Dani didn’t know what else to do but to clear her throat and turn around, scooting her body and chair back into its original position, a few inches away from Jamie. Maybe she could have actually finished the work sheet they were supposed to be working on. It remained quiet between them for the rest of class. Dani did her best to resist the urge to sneak a glance at the girl behind her.

But Dani had only so much will power. When the bell rang, Dani, still packing up her things at own desk, chanced a glance in Jamie’s direction. She found Jamie sending a smile her way that made her happy she was leaning over a chair in case her knees actually buckled. She had already been embarrassed enough that day.


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dani and Jamie become drama club geeks and Jamie finally calls her "Poppins."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, to answer most of the comments from the last chapter, yes, I am planning on writing more chapters and yes, posting it as a one shot was a mistake. Honestly, posting the first chapter at 3 in the morning, I had totally forgotten there was a multiple chapter button that needed to be pressed. But now here is this and yes, it does bounce between past and present tense because neither are completely comfortable for me to write in. But I don't care. I'm not completely happy with this chapter but I am happy to have it done so here you go. 
> 
> Also, this is quite possibly the first fanfic I will ever finish.
> 
> Remember, only leave nice comments so I can have the validation.

The thing is Dani actually likes working backstage whenever a freshman bails on Mrs. Howard or someone gets sick or choir practice runs too late. She likes the anonymity of the large, dark spaces bundled around the stage and set pieces. Her black clothes enabling her to blend into the background in a sea of flamboyant costumes and comically serious student actors. The drama kids didn’t care about social status within the high school hierarchy. They didn’t pay Dani anymore attention then they needed to usually. Well, the actors did. The other kids working backstage, the ones who loathed the spotlight, were nice to Dani. She got along with them pretty well. Which is why Dani agreed to lend a hand for the school musical, at the pleading of Mrs. Howard and the promise of extra credit. Plus, it was something she actually enjoyed doing, apart from babysitting. This year’s musical was Mary Poppins. Dani couldn’t wait for the terrible accents she was bound to hear.

There’s usually four kids who consistently work the plays. Dani is on a friendly and familiar basis with them all which is why she isn’t nervous when she strolls into the auditorium. She’s actually pretty relaxed, dressed in a black sweater and dark jeans, ready to blend into the corners, when she sees a new face assembled among the stage crew. Jamie sits to the side of stage, within the unofficial jurisdiction of the stage crew. She’s sitting backwards in a folding chair, her chest pressed against the chair’s back, and arms folded across the top. Dani does a double take. 

Jamie is chatting with Owen, who's playing Bert in the musical. Before Dani could form a coherent thought, Jamie’s eyes land on her. Dani wonders if Jamie’s natural facial expression is a smirk. It seems to be the form her lips take whenever Dani looks at her and the form her mouth is taking currently as she raises her hand up in a small wave to Dani. Jamie’s eyes remain trained on her the whole time it takes her to reach the stage steps and awkwardly wander over to her and Owen. 

“Why, hello there,” Jamie says, almost singing the words. 

“Hey, Jamie,” Dani says. Her palms begin to sweat instinctively. “What are you doing here?” Dani’s eyes widen the second the words leave her lips. “Not to be rude, I’ve just never seen you work a play before? Are you in the drama club?”

“God, no,” Jamie laughs. “Owen here just forced me to do it, said he’d cook dinner for me every night for a week if I agreed.”

“I am a man of my word,” Owen says, turning to face Dani. He extends a hand out towards her. “Owen Sharma, pleased to officially meet you.”

Jamie smacks at his arm. “Don’t be weird, man.”

“I’m not being weird, I’m being polite.”

“You’re being creepy.”

“It’s not creepy, it’s good manners. Something you clearly know nothing about.” Owen turns toward Dani again. “Excuse her, she was raised by wolves.” 

“Hey, I’ll show you who was raised by wolves.”

“Ooh, what a good come back.”

Dani can’t help the laugh that escapes her lips. Jamie’s eyes fly towards her at the sound. A blush immediately overtakes Dani’s face as she watches Jamie’s lip quirk upwards. She turns her body towards Dani, as if just remembering she was still here.

“What are you doing here?” Jamie asks, crossing her arms. “I didn’t figure you for a drama club geek.”

“I’m not,” Dani says. “I just help out whenever Mrs. Howard asks. They usually don’t have enough kids to do everything so I help out whenever I can.”

“Doesn’t it interfere with cheerleading?” Jamie asks, her smirk still driving Dani insane. Dani knows she’s being teased. She doesn’t know why but she knows Jamie isn’t being purposely rude or mean. She’s just giving Dani a hard time like friends do. And Dani’s heart jumps a bit at the thought that Jamie might consider her a friend. But she buries the notion before it can run away from her. 

“Mrs. Baker lets me miss the first hour to help out here,” Dani says. 

“Very nice of her,” Jamie says.    
  


It’s silent between them again for a few seconds before Owen cuts back in with more digs at Jamie. Which ends up in them playing fighting on the edge of the stage. Dani can only laugh at their antics. They spend another twenty minutes just like that, joking around and not really talking about anything until Mrs. Howard warns that rehearsal is about to start. Owen saunters off to join the rest of the actors at the center of the stage while Jamie follows Dani further into the wings. The other members of the stage crew nod in acknowledgement to Dani, barely paying any attention to Jamie, as they walk past. They’re hunched over a tiny, fold out table, concentrated on the Magic cards spread out in front of them. 

“Real talkative crowd, huh?” Jamie says as she goes to sit on a stool in the corner. Dani follows to lean against the wall right beside her. 

“They’re really nice, actually,” Dani says. “They just get really hyper focused when they play Magic.”

“That card game like Dungeons and Dragons that incels play?”

“Not only incels play Magic,” Dani protests. “Plenty of normal, non-misogynistic people play Magic, it’s a very strategic game like chess.”

Jamie’s smirk appears again. Dani forces her eyes towards the stage to keep her knees steady and stop her hands from sweating more than they already were. 

“Do you know how to play, miss cheerleader?”

“Yes, I do,” Dani says, almost defiant in her demeanor. Jamie raises her eyes at her. 

“What?” Dani asks. “I can’t play Magic just because I’m a cheerleader? I’ll have you know being a cheerleader does not limit my complexity as a person and the things that I like or dislike. It’s very small-minded to pigeonhole me and all my interests into a single stereotype, a stereotype which is also pretty sexist, mind you and-”

“Woah, slow down there, Elle Woods,” Jamie says, putting her hand up. “I  _ was _ gonna say that it was actually well within your character to play Magic considering you take zero period AP calculus and advocated for a Jane Austen club.” She lets out a small chuckle. “Contrary to popular belief, despite being a beacon of exorbitant popularity, I think you’re actually a very, very, big nerd, Dani Clayton.”

Dani can’t help the swoon she has to fight off at the sound of her full name leaving Jamie’s mouth. She also can’t help tracing the outline of Jamie’s mouth, chin and jaw with her eyes until she comes back to reality with a clearing of her throat.

“How did you know I tried to start a Jane Austen club?” Dani asks. Jamie shrugs. “Well, it didn’t get started because only three people outside of Mrs. Howard wanted to join,” Jamie says. She glances up at Dani. “I was one of the other two.”

“Oh,” Dani says. She pauses for a moment, at a loss for words. There’s so many emotions and thoughts she can’t keep track of, clashing within her brain. She wills her mind to be quiet as she tries to find the words to continue this conversation. “You like Jane Austen?”

“Love her, actually,” Jamie says. “Thought dedicating a whole club to her was a bit much considering she only wrote so many books but, hey, I thought what the hell, you know. Might give me something to do besides tend plants and beat up Owen.”

“You guys seem pretty close,” Dani says. She glances across the stage to where Owen was telling bad jokes to the girl playing Mary Poppins, Viola. 

“Yeah, he’s my best friend,” Jamie says. “Been there for me since we were fourteen and I was a much more unpleasant little shit.”

Dani grins. “Hard to imagine that.”

Jamie eyes widen in surprise at Dani before she brings a hand up to her chest. “Oh, you’re breaking my heart, love.”

Dani laughs, trying to hide the way being called ‘love’ was burning her insides. She needed to get a grip on herself.

“He’s a cool guy, just quite shit at telling jokes,” Jamie says. “And quite gone for our friend, Hannah.”

“Hannah? Hannah Grose?” Dani asks. “She’s in yearbook with me.”

“Yeah, I know.” Something that looks a lot like pride overtakes Jamie’s face. “She’s always working on something or other for yearbook or newspaper. Busy woman, that girl,” Jamie says. “Owen’s quite taken, I think, because of how disciplined she is. Gives off big CEO or librarian vibes. Owen’s into that.”

“Oh,” Dani says, unsure of what to do with that information. “Well, good for him.”

“Would be if he ever had the guts to ask her out,” Jamie says, “But it’s been three years and so far, still chickening out.”

Dani muses on her own years-long crush on Jamie. She can sympathize with Owen. “Well, it’s hard to tell someone something like that after so long,” Dani says. “You spend so long with these feelings and then,” Dani pauses, “What if they don’t like you? What if they laugh in your face or manage to make you feel even worse than that? What if they like someone else?”

When Dani turns her head to face Jamie again, she’s caught off guard by how intently Jamie’s eyes seem to be peering into her own, almost as if she was trying to see straight into her head. The air feels thick. Dani can’t help but swallow the sudden dryness in her throat. “I think feelings are complicated,” Jamie says after a minute. “But you can’t avoid getting hurt. And you can’t get anywhere when you keep your feelings to yourself. I mean, sure, you’re protecting yourself from getting hurt but you’re also keeping yourself from being happy too.” Jamie’s eyes continue to bore into Dani. “And who knows? What if they like you back?”

“Who?” Dani can’t help but ask. She doesn’t really know what she’s asking but Jamie’s eyes widen as if she asked the wrong question. She turns her head away from Dani, shrugging her shoulders. “I don’t know, whoever you were talking about that in very dramatic and specific hypothetical,” Jamie says. When she turns toward Dani again, the intensity from before is gone, replaced by her usual, easy-going smirk. “You have a crush on someone, love?”

“No,” Dani says on instinct, face already beginning to crimson. “No, I, uh, I just feel for Owen. Everyone’s been through that. It must be tough.”

Jamie turns her eyes back across the stage towards Owen. “Yeah, poor fucker.”

***

Dani spends the rest of rehearsal trying not to appear glued to Jamie’s side while still being glued to Jamie’s side. The musical’s set consists of one big, wooden staircase, a couch and a few chairs and tables scattered around to make it look like a living room. The crew’s only big movement is sweeping it all off stage during a fifteen second blackout and then replacing it with fake bushes. Then replacing it with the living room set again. Most of the heavy or delicate stuff is handled by the kids who always work the plays. All Dani really has to do is pick up a few chairs, a lamp and move a shrub on stage. So she has a lot of downtime to talk with Jamie off stage. They spend most of rehearsal talking about everything and nothing, flying from one topic (“I used to eat bugs when I was a kid,” - Jamie) to the other (“Both A Cinderella Story and Hilary Duff deserve more recognition.” - Dani). 

Time between them goes by so fast that Dani’s surprised when Mrs. Howard is calling all the actors to the stage to go over her notes, signaling the end of rehearsal. During the last fifteen minutes, they’re busy reorganizing the set and going over directions with Gaby, a soft-spoken Junior and the stage manager for the play. Jamie and Dani only get a few more words in before following the river of drama kids out of the auditorium doors. They all either flee to their respective cars or loiter along the front doors, waiting for their rides home. Dani’s due at cheer practice so her next destination is the football field across the parking lot. But she stays around for a few moments when it’s clear Jamie is waiting for a ride. 

Dani is thinking of something to say, anything to keep the flow of conversation they had in rehearsals going, when a car pulls up a few feet away and Jamie’s head rises in recognition. Dani’s stomach twists when she sees Heather in the front seat. She idles in the driver’s seat, looking very similar to someone patiently waiting to pick up their girlfriend from rehearsal. Jamie shoots a quick glance Dani’s way. “See ya later, nerd,” she says as she walks off towards Heather’s car. Dani smiles after her. “See ya,” she says, waving at Jamie’s departing back. 

***

While babysitting Miles and Flora the following night, the image of Jamie sliding into the front seat of Heather’s car is still burned into her mind. She hasn’t been able to think about anything else. And it shows. 

“Dani, you’re not being a good knight,” Flora says, grabbing the doll from her hand. “You’re acting is all wrong.”

“I’m sorry,” Dani says, truly remorseful. Storytime with her dolls is Flora’s favorite time of the day and Dani is ruining it with her gay angsts. “I’ll be a better knight, I’m just not feeling well right now.”

Flora’s face morphs quickly into wide-eyed concern. “What’s wrong? Are you sick?”

“No, I’m just distracted.”

“Distracted by what?”

“Nothing, it’s just dumb teenager stuff.”

“My mom says everything feels extra intense and dramatic when you're a teenager which is why they’re moody and insufferable which is why she’s glad I’m still little and cute.”

“You’re moms’ right,” Dani says.

“Is it love stuff? My mom says teenagers are always upset about love stuff.”

Dani is amazed and mildly annoyed at how insightful Flora could be and how easily she could read Dani sometimes. “Don’t worry about it, it’s just teenagers being moody like your mom says.”

“Do you have a crush on someone?”

“Flora.” The girl was relentless in her questions and her pursuit of whatever information she wanted. 

“I won’t tell anyone,” Flora says. “I promise. Friends keep each other’s secrets and promises.”

The sincerity in Flora’s words soften Dani’s resolve. She knew Flora meant what she said. The little girl was very good at keeping secrets and was loyal to a fault at such a young age. 

“Yeah, I guess I have a crush,” Dani says, attempting to downplay the actual intensity that fueled the word. Flora’s face lit up at the admission. “That’s absolutely marvelous, who is it?”

“You don’t know them,” Dani says on impulse before remembering Flora did know her. She contemplates her next words silently for a moment before making a decision. “Actually, you do know her, I think. Jamie? She says she works in your guys’s garden.”

“Jamie,” Flora’s face broke out in adorable, unabashed amazement. “I know Jamie. She’s perfectly splendid, just splendid.”

“I know,” Dani sighs.

“She makes the prettiest flowers,” Flora declares. “I can see why you like her, she’s so-”

“Perfectly splendid?”

“Exactly.”

“Yeah, she really is.”

“Have you told her that you like her?”

“No, not yet. I don’t really know if I should.”

“But why not?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Well, in my opinion, you absolutely should. It would be just wonderful if you two were together.”

Dani laughs at the little girl’s enthusiasm. “Well, I’ll keep that in consideration.”

***

Most Friday nights, Dani can be found on the sidelines of the football field. As well as most of the student body of her high school. Dani finds that she can usually let herself cruise on autopilot during most football games. Their team sucks and most students only pack the stands for the social factor. The cheerleaders can get away with doing a handful of half-hearted cheers and sitting around in the stands the rest of the time. No one really minds. 

Dani is in the middle of a less than enthusiastic cheer as she lets her eyes wander over the audience aimlessly. She’s not really paying attention until she spots a familiar head of brown curls. Jamie is facing away from her but Dani can clearly tell it’s her. From how often she’s spent the last few years staring at Jamie from afar, Dani is incredibly familiar with the outline of Jamie’s body. 

A second after she spots her, Jamie turns to face the football field. She cups her hands over her mouth and yells something Dani can’t hear but knows is probably an insult. Dani can’t the smile that breaks across her face. But It quickly falls when she sees who is sitting besides Jamie. Dani tries to temper down the knot forming in her stomach at the sight of Heather nestled next to Jamie in the farthest rows at the back of the stands. The part of the stands notoriously known as a spot for couples to cuddle and make out behind everyone else’s backs, away from prying eyes. Dani forces that thought out of her head. 

Jamie can hangout and watch a football game with whoever she wants. It doesn’t even matter that Dani’s never seen her at a football game in all the years that they’ve gone to school together. And it doesn’t matter that her and Heather were seated in what was the equivalent of a lover’s lane for their football stadium. It doesn’t mean anything. If Jamie was dating Heather then Dani was happy for her. They were friends and friends were happy when their friends were happy. And Jamie looked pretty happy, as far as Dani could tell, from where she loomed above her in the stands. 

  
  


***

During every play, the drama club usually has their first dress rehearsal in front of a good portion of the school over the course of lunch and two class periods. Which students were attending usually depended on which teacher felt like watching a couple dozen kids stumble around onstage was more important than their lesson on the Civil War or finding the area of a triangle. It gave the actors a chance to practice in front of a live audience with no real risk of actual embarrassment since most of the kids in the audience wouldn’t be paying attention anyway. Most kids napped, put their headphones in or whispered amongst themselves. No one really took it all that seriously except Mrs. Howard, the stage manager and whoever the lead actors were. So, of course, all hell broke loose when news circulated that Viola, the girl playing Mary Poppins was sick. As was her understudy. With mono.

Gaby is a ball of stress in the corner, looking on the verge of tears as Mrs. Howard paces back and forth in front of her, cursing “teenage hormones.” Dani is nestled near the prop table with the rest of the stage crew, looking on in worry. Her concern was mainly towards, Gaby, who looked to be on the edge of a mental breakdown with Mrs. Howard quickly following her. 

Mrs. Howard paces with military precision, muttering unintelligible sentences for a while until she stops abruptly. She’s been pacing for so long, her pause in movements startles Gaby enough that she suddenly resembles a small, furry animal about to be picked off by a predator. Mrs. Howard turns her gaze onto Dani. And Dani’s stomach immediately drops. She already knows what’s coming before Mrs. Howard can even ask it. 

“Dani,” Mrs. Howard says. “You know you’re my favorite student and I wouldn’t ask you this if I had any other options.”

And, of course, with Gaby looking up at her with pleading, desperate-stage-manager, doe eyes, Dani knows she doesn’t really have a choice. 

***

“I hope you know this means I get to call you Poppins from now on,” Jamie says in the green room. “I will not be addressing you as anything else.”   
  


“Don’t worry, Dani,” Owen says from behind her chair. He’s facing her reflection in the mirror in front of them. Her hair and face have been done up to vaguely resemble a “very regal, British nanny,” according to Sasha, the girl who volunteered to do Dani’s make up and was playing one of the chimney sweeps. Which, incidentally, included “applying just enough to look natural but not too much to look like a prostitute,” again, according to Sasha. 

“You’ll do great. Or, well, if you screw up, no one will notice,” Owen says.

“Okay, piss off, will ya’,” Jamie says from where she’s leaning against the makeshift makeup counter the drama kids set up against the wall. “Go learn your lines, you’re still shit at them.”

She turns towards Dani. “You’ll do fine. Most of them won’t be paying attention anyway.”

“I know that,” Dani says. “I just don’t like... _ performing  _ in front of so many people.”

Jamie laughs, a specific kind of snort-kinda laugh that Dani is quickly learning means Jamie can’t believe something Dani has said. “Poppins, you’re a cheerleader. You perform in front of a crowd every week.”

“This is different. I’m in a costume and make up and expected to be a character,” Dani says. “I can’t act. This is gonna be terrible.”

“Yeah, probably,” Jamie says. “But, hey, at least you know you’re gonna be shit.”

“Wow, thank you, that really helps.”

“Hey,” Jamie pushes off from the counter, coming to stand right behind Dani. She’s close enough that she could feel the heat radiating off Jamie’s figure, the top of Dani’s back almost touching Jamie’s front. She places a hand on Dani’s shoulder. Dani tries not to melt at the warmth of the touch. 

Jamie’s eyes find hers in the mirror. “At least you’ll look good while making a mockery of yourself.”

“You know, you really have a gift with pep talks.” Dani scans her reflection again, contemplating Jamie’s words. “I don’t look good. I look ridiculous. Like I drowned in a British antique store and then they doused me in blush.”

“I don’t know, Poppins, this British nanny look is kinda working for me.”

Dani can’t help the laugh that erupts out of her. She knows Jamie is joking, play flirting to be friendly. Still, she can’t help the uptick in her heartbeat whenever Jamie says something like that to her. She never knows what to do with herself. Or how to respond. So she settles for changing the topic. 

“If I completely bomb, promise you won’t throw fruit at me?” Dani asks. 

Jamie performs a mock salute over her chest. “Scout’s honor.”

Gaby runs into the room, calling everyone to their places. Dani meets Jamie’s eyes in the mirror and lets out a breath. “Okay, here we go.”

***

All in all, it doesn’t go as bad as Dani had anticipated. She was indeed, utterly terrible. Her acting skills left plenty to be desired. But no one booed her off stage. And Jamie, keeping her promise, hadn’t thrown any produce at her. 

“Not bad, Poppins,” Jamie says, being the first to greet her after the curtain fell. “Definitely could’ve been worse.”

“Thank you for that riveting review,” Dani says, already working on undoing her costume as she made her way towards the green room. “Pretty sure there isn’t a career for me in acting.”

“Probably not but I gotta say, I loved the British accent.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Jamie says. “It was quite literally the worst thing I’ve ever heard in my life.”

Dani scoffs, swatting at Jamie’s arm as she undoes the updo her hair was in. She walks into the bathroom that doubles as the girl’s dressing room. Jamie follows without instruction.

“Hey, could you do me a favor?”

“What’d ya’ need, Poppins?”

“Could you help me unzip this dress?” Dani asks, angling her back towards Jamie. “There’s like a dozen zippers and buttons on this thing. It’s a death trap.”

Jamie’s silent for a moment. Dani can’t see her which worsens her anxiety at possibly having said something wrong until she hears Jamie walks towards her. “Yeah, no problem. I’ve got very nimble fingers.”

Dani’s face burns. She has no idea what to say to that. 

Jamie has all the zippers and buttons undone in seconds. She steps away from Dani, silent for an awkward moment as they face each other. “Well, uh,” Jamie starts. Dani thinks she almost seems nervous. “I’ll leave you to it then.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Dani says, watching Jamie rush towards the dressing room door. She shoots Dani a small smile before she grasping the door handle. “Count on it, Poppins.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Full disclosure, I was, in fact, a drama club geek in high school. All four years, baby, I was stage crew, never an actor, thank god. That being said, I know nothing about the Mary Poppins musical. I just needed an excuse to establish the nickname. 
> 
> Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a party. And there is a carnival.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me forever to hash out. Hated every draft and edit of it. Finally decided I wasn't gonna be happy with it no matter what so here it is. Enjoy.

Dani had worked backstage for a handful of plays throughout high school. She was well acquainted with the inner workings of the drama club, as much as she could be while still remaining outside of it’s official ranks. But she had never been to a strike night party. 

The infamous gathering was a party the drama kids always threw on closing night, after they spent an hour or two “striking” everything from the stage. A heavily-anticipated event meant to blow off steam. It was usually hosted by the actor with the biggest house and most laid back parents. With plenty of alcohol to supply the whole cast and crew, or so Dani had been told. 

Dani got plenty of invites every time she worked a play. Even if the actors didn’t really pay attention to her, there was an unspoken rule that everyone who worked a play got invited to the party. Plus, Dani knew that she possessed the social capital of a cheerleader and a senior that made party invitations virtually mandatory regardless. She wasn’t naïve enough to think the actors actually wanted to spend time with her outside of the play. 

But despite the numerous invitations, Dani never went to those parties. She didn’t like parties. Especially ones where drunk drama kids sang along to the Hamilton soundtrack all night while attempting to grind on each other in the most awkward way possible. It wasn’t really Dani’s idea of a good time. But this was the first year that Jamie would also be attending the aforementioned party, as confirmed by Owen. Which was confirmed again by Jamie herself after they had finished rolling the last of the set pieces into a storage room outside the theater. 

“See ya there, Poppins,” Jamie had said. She had winked at Dani, the smallest smirk in place, before turning on her heels, leaving Dani tongue-tied in front of the empty theater. It took a few minutes for Dani’s head to clear. 

After the address was mass-texted out, Dani recuperated at her house, agonizing over every possible outfit she could wear that. This wasn’t a school event. This was a legitimate social function outside of school. A place where Dani could be hanging out with Jamie without the constraints of a school play or English class. She could be fun tonight. Cool, funny and charming. Or at least, give the impression that she was.

***

Dani ended up agreeing to catch a ride with Sasha after the girl texted her that she and a couple other people were carpooling to save gas and diminish their carbon footprint. Dani was familiar enough with the other people in the car not to feel too anxious catching a ride with them.

In the backseat, Dani is nestled between the door and Viola, the girl Dani had covered for during their first dress rehearsal. Who, apparently, felt incredibly remorseful.

“I’m so sorry about that,” Viola says, shaking her head. “Honestly, that was so embarrassing.”

“Oh, no, it wasn’t a problem at all,” Dani says. “It honestly wasn’t that bad.”

“Really?” Viola raises a skeptical brow. “I heard it was pretty bad.” Her lips quirk upwards to let Dani know that she’s being teased.

“Wow,” Dani can’t help the tiny laugh that leaves her. “Everyone has been so brutally honest with me about my terrible acting skills.”

“I’m sorry,” Viola says, almost looking sincere if she weren’t laughing. She places a hand on Dani’s arm as she laughs, angling her body more towards Dani’s. “But honestly, you were about as good as anyone else on opening night. Half the actors were still reading from their scripts on stage.”

“So I’m a slightly below average actor compared to the rest of the cast?”

Viola raises her hand to show a tiny space between her index finger and thumb. “Only slightly worse.”

“Thanks, I guess,” Dani says, still laughing.

“Hey, it could’ve been worse,” Viola says. “You’ve could’ve gotten mono from your own understudy.”

***

As soon as Dani steps foot into the party, she realizes she doesn’t really know anyone well enough to kill time chatting with them until she can spot Jamie. And she’s not seeing Jamie anywhere. So she sticks with Viola. She seems to be friendly enough towards Dani, not batting an eye or asking questions when Dani asked if she minded Dani tagging along with her for a little bit. 

“Of course,” Viola had said, “Miss Dani Clayton wants to hangout with me. I’d be honored.” Dani didn’t know how she felt about that statement but Viola had taken her wrist within her own hand, leading her through the mess of bodies, and Dani let it slip from her mind. 

She quickly adapts to Viola’s company, especially the soft digs she throws at Dani. As Dani lets the other girl lead her from room to room, Viola teases her in a manner that reminds her of Jamie. The playful words amongst friends that Dani rejoices in, that lets Dani know Jamie likes her enough to consider her a friend. With Viola, it allows Dani to let her guard down. She doesn’t have that many friends outside of Rebecca. And she still refuses to count Flora and Miles under that category. 

It was a good thing to be hanging out with Viola. At a party. Even if it was in the interest of seeing Jamie. But Dani was outside her comfort zone, intentionally. Rebecca would be proud of her. She was making new, age appropriate friends, being social and agreeing to drink, even.

In the kitchen, there’s a large array of alcohol and red cups that Dani hadn’t thought about touching until Viola encourages her. 

“Come on, you did a good job,” Viola says. “You moved those shrubs and scenery like a champ.”

Dani concedes to taking one shot. A shot she watches Viola pour with trepidation, already anticipating the unpleasantness of the alcohol. She takes the shot from Viola with shaky hands.

“Hey, you don’t have to drink it if you don’t want to,” Viola says, placing a placating hand on Dani’s shoulder. “I didn’t mean to pressure you or anything.”

“No, it’s okay,” Dani says. “I’m gonna drink it. It usually just takes me a while to actually…”

“Drink?” Viola says. 

“Yeah,” Dani says, anxiety bubbling in her stomach as she grips the shot glass. The apprehension must be apparent on her face.

“Here,” Viola says. She takes a step in closer towards Dani, standing to the side of her so her torso is pressing against Dani’s arm. She places a hand on Dani’s lower back. Her other hand goes to grip her shoulder, steady like she’s trying to hold Dani up. “I read somewhere that most anxiety is concentrated in this specific nerve along your lower back and when you press down on it, it’s supposed to calm you down,” Viola says, every word spoken an inch or two away from Dani’s ear. It causes a weird flush to overtake Dani’s face. “I’ll count to three, okay?” Viola says. Dani nods her head. She tries to slow her breathing as she listens to Viola countdown. On three, she brings the glass up to her lips, tilting her head back, and feeling Viola’s hand push back against Dani’s weight. 

The shot burns its way down her throat, bitter but Dani feels somewhat looser.

“Alcohols good for calming your nerves,” Viola says, stepping away to pour a shot for herself. “You might wanna try another shot.” Dani gives her a look. Viola shrugs, busying herself with the alcohol bottles in front of her. “Besides the obvious fear of alcohol, You just seem a bit antsy tonight.”

“Do I?” Dani asks. 

Viola lets loose a small laugh. “A bit, yeah.” 

Dani, feeling warm from the shot, matches Viola’s laugh. “God, I’m just trying not to be a complete dork tonight.”

Viola scoffs. “Trust me,” she says, stepping in towards Dani again to be heard over the music. “You’re the total opposite of a ‘complete dork’.”

“Thanks,” Dani says, facing burning again. She can’t tell if it’s from the alcohol or not. She shakes her head. “I just don’t go to parties often and I’m feeling a bit nervous.”

“What’s to be nervous about? You’re twice as cool as any of these losers could ever hope to be.”

Dani can only blush in response. She feels overwhelmed by the compliment for some reason. Her face is still burning and her stomach feels like it's starting to tie itself in a knot. Another shot sounds like a good idea. “I think we should take another shot,” Dani says, attempting to raise her voice over the music. 

Viola’s grin cuts wide across her face. “Let’s fucking do it then.”

Viola already has a couple of shot glasses lined up on the kitchen counter. She has Dani do this thing where they intertwine each other's forearms, pressed in close in each other’s space again, and tip the shot glass back at the same time. The alcohol burns just as bad as the first time.

Dani slams her shot glass down onto the counter with a little yelp. When she looks up, she almost thinks she’s hallucinating when she sees Jamie on the other side of the counter. But she hasn’t had that much to drink yet. 

“Jamie,” Dani exclaims. “Hey.”

“Hey, Poppins,” Jamie greets her. But her voice is flat, lacking the usual warmth that Dani has become accustomed to whenever she sees Jamie. She’s also not smiling. “See you’ve gotten a head start on the partying, huh?” She asks. And Dani blames it on the alcohol making its way through her system, but Jamie almost sounds upset.

Dani doesn’t answer her. Her attention is immediately overtaken by Heather as soon as Dani notices her presence beside Jamie. She stands across the kitchen counter, diagonal to Dani. The closest Dani has ever been to Heather before. She meets Dani’s stare with a smile. 

“Hey,” Heather says, voice light and amicable. “I’m Heather.” She extends a hand towards Dani which Dani takes on instinct but her hand feels like jelly as she shakes it. “Dani,” Dani says. “Nice to meet you.”

“I’m Viola,” Viola interjects, taking Heather’s hand after it leaves Dani’s. While they introduce themselves, Dani focuses her attention back on the girl right in front of her. Jamie hasn’t said a word since she walked up to the counter. Face expressionless in a way that unnerves Dani as she watches Jamie stare at Viola.

“We were just doing shots,” Viola says. She drapes an arm across Dani’s shoulders. Normally, Dani wouldn’t mind the show of affection. Rebecca does the same thing to her all the time. But the way Jamie looks at the gesture makes something twist uncomfortably in her stomach. Dani knows somethings wrong but can’t tell what. “Do you guys want some?” Viola asks.

“Sure,” Heather says. Jamie doesn’t say anything. But Heather is apparently answering for the both of them as she pours four shots in total. Dani wasn’t planning on taking any more shots. A warm haze had already started to fall over her, loosening some of the tension that had been held throughout her body. But there were still nerves twisting in her stomach that needed to be sedated. Especially with Jamie standing less than a foot away from her, noticeably upset. Possibly at Dani.

“Ya’ sure you want another one, Poppins?” Jamie asks, breaking her elongated silence. “I thought you didn’t drink.”

“She’s been drinking like a champ,” Viola says, her hand squeezing Dani’s shoulders. Dani notices Jamie’s eyes following the movement. “She can handle herself.” 

Jamie doesn’t seem to hear Viola’s words or just chooses to ignore her. She holds Dani’s gaze, probing for any sign of resistance. “I’m fine,” Dani says. “One more shot won’t kill me.” 

***

Of course, Dani is wrong. Even worse than that, Jamie is upset with her for some reason. And she doesn’t know why. It’s hard to think clearly with how fuzzy her brain and body feels. Dani has never really been drunk before. Jamie was right that Dani doesn’t ever really drink. She’s been mildly tipsy. But she’s never felt like this. Hot, dizzy and unbalanced. Which only increases as she watches Jamie and Heather talk in hushed tones across the room, like they’re in their own private universe. 

After they had all taken shots together, Viola and Heather filled the silence with amiable small talk while Dani and Jamie both seemingly agreed to avoid looking at one another. It finally ended when a song not featured in a musical soundtrack flowed in from the living room where a makeshift dance floor had been made. Heather had turned towards Jamie, exclaiming how she “loved this song,” and dragged her away by the wrist, presumably to dance with her. Which Dani had tried not to be bothered by. But the alcohol had made her mind murky. Almost immediately, Dani made an excuse about going to the bathroom, leaving Viola in the kitchen. She did in fact go to the bathroom, if only to try to gather her scrambled thoughts before heading out into the living room. She kept to the wall, on the outskirts of the mass of bodies writhing in the center of the room. It didn’t take long to spot Jamie. She wasn’t moving much, and by high school standards, she was being pretty tame, but it still picked at something within Dani as she watched Heather move so close within Jamie’s space. Heather, apparently, was a good dancer. 

Dani had stuck around long enough to see them slouch off to a corner and project the aura of a couple that doesn’t want to be bothered. 

Dani is trying hard to control her feelings. Her rational brain is listing reasons why she shouldn’t be upset, why she has no right to be bothered. But her eyes are hot and she kinda feels like she’s suffocating. 

She flees the living room. Knowing all the other rooms on the first floor are just as crowded and stifling, Dani makes her way up the staircase, going towards where everything is dimmer and cooler.

She doesn’t know what she was expecting. Of course, Jamie was going to bring Heather. And, of course, they were gonna spend the night “entangled” in each other. Dani felt like a massive idiot. But, most of all, she felt sick. She couldn’t tell if it was from the alcohol or the sight of Heather’s hand wrapped almost possessively around Jamie’s arm. 

Dani wanders from door to door to try to find the bathroom. She’s pushing against wood and turning door knobs until, eventually, she finds a figure alone in the dark. It takes a few seconds for Dani’s eyes to adjust. Once they do, relief floods her at the sight of a familiar face. 

“Hannah,” Dani exclaims, as if she just found a lost pet. “I didn’t know you were gonna be here.” She stumbles a few steps into the room, barely catching herself against the corner of a nearby dresser. Hannah sits up in alarm. She’s situated in the middle of a well-made bed that rests in the center of the room. Dani guesses they’re in some kind of guest room.

“Dani?” Hannah’s voice cut through the fog of Dani’s mind sharply, concern evident in her tone. “Are you alright?”

“Me? I’m fine,” Dani laughs but it sounds hollow even to her own ears. “Peachy. Just, you know, having a good, actually great, time.”

Hannah leveled a look at Dani and she knew she wasn’t fooling her. Hannah, after four years of wrangling unruly yearbook and newspaper staff, had an impeccable bullshit detector. But, still, Dani didn’t want to talk about herself at the moment. “How bout you?” Dani asks, voice louder than she intended. She winces, speaking her next words carefully. “Why are you sitting in the dark by yourself?”

Dani wouldn’t normally ask Hannah a question like that. A question with the possibility for an answer too personal for the other girl’s comfort. Hannah was good at keeping things close to the chest, her thoughts and emotions safe beneath a constantly well composed, no nonsense demeanor. It was a thing Dani admired about Hannah. Her ability to not let emotions get the best of her, to sideline any drama or negative feelings until she got done what she needed to do. That being said, the lack of emotional openness made it a little difficult to get close to Hannah. Dani considered Hannah a friend, a nice and welcomed presence in her day to day life as they sat together discussing layouts and due dates or the mild drama within their yearbook staff. Hannah was always friendly with Dani, joking and familiar, but Dani didn’t if Hannah considered a friend the same way she did. The thought caused a small sadness to bloom in Dani’s chest as she struggled to upright herself properly on the bed. It only grew as she took in Hannah’s dejected expression for the first time. 

“Same as you, I suppose," Hannah answers, flashing Dani a weak smile. “Having a good time.”

“Are you okay?” Dani asks, the alcohol apparently removing whatever filter or tact she might’ve possessed before the party.

“Yes, of course,” Hannah says. But her eyes remain focused on the hands tucked into her lap, fingers fiddling with the fabric of her skirt. Dani’s thoughts still feel like dust floating in the air. Her mind is lacking in any forethought and all she feels is the immediate urge to comfort the girl in front of her. “You know, not to overstep or be presumptuous,” Dani says. “Or make you uncomfortable in any way, but I like to think we’re kinda friends, even if we don’t spend much time together outside of yearbook and school, you know.” Dani brings a hand up to nervously rub at her neck as she speaks.

“No, yes, of course I consider you a friend, Dani.” Hannah says, as if it were obvious. Her words honest in a way that pours warmth over Dani’s heart. 

“That's good to hear,” she says. “I think I need more friends.” She’s surprised by the laugh that escapes Hannah.

“Dani, you’re a well-liked girl,” Hannah says, smiling similar to how Dani might smile at something silly Flora or Miles said. “You could be friends with anyone. And I was under the impression that virtually everyone at school is already dying to be your friend.”

Dani sighs, eyes going towards the ceiling. “Not really. Not in a way that...I don’t know.” Dani falls backwards onto the bed, the unsteady, liquid feel of her body welcoming the firmness of the mattress. “They wanna be friends with  _ Dani Clayton _ , it doesn’t really count.”

“Well, I rather like Dani Clayton,” Hannah says, smiling down at her from her upright position at the top of the bed. “Even when she’s drunk and barges into rooms meant for silent sulking.”

“Thanks,” Dani says, cringing at her drunken actions. “Sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you, I-”

“No, it's perfectly alright,” Hannah says. “I was just busy feeling sorry for myself. But your company’s much better than self-pity.”

Dani doesn’t know what to say to that. So she lets silence hang between them for a few minutes, content to get lost in her own head. But, it quickly proves to be a mistake when her mind takes her back downstairs, back to Jamie and back to Heather’s arms wrapped around her, their heads dipped towards each other and the words whispered between them that Dani didn’t wanna hear but couldn’t help speculating about. It made her ill in a way that contorted her stomach. Which must’ve shown on her face. 

“Are you alright?” Hannah asks. 

“I think I might throw up.”

***

“Thanks for giving me a ride home,” Dani says sheepishly, face pressed against the cool glass of the passenger side window. 

“It’s no problem.” Hannah says. She had seemed equally as relieved to leave the house as Dani had been. 

“I’m sorry you had to hold my hair back.”

“It wasn’t no problem at all, really, I couldn’t leave you alone like that,” Hannah says. “Girl code and all.”

Dani laughs, warmth spreading through her despite the embarrassment and sour burn at the back of her throat. “Well, still, thank you. This was not how I thought tonight would go.”

Hannah lets a beat of silence hang before speaking again. “How did you think tonight would go?” Hannah asks. “If you don’t mind me asking, I don’t mean to pry.”

“No, it’s okay.” Dani says. She takes a second to think, her head still foggy and words a bit harder to grasp onto than usual. But still easier than when she was in that house and the alcohol was buzzing throughout her body. “I just thought that tonight would be different,” Dani breathes after a moment. “I don’t go to parties. I don’t usually have fun so I’m pretty good at staying away, most of the time. But, I made an exception and I was just,” She pauses, thoughts getting away from her for a second. “I honestly don’t know what I was expecting.” The more Dani replays the night, the more she feels like an idiot. Of course, Jamie would bring her girlfriend. Why had Dani thought anything different?

“I understand,” Hannah says. “I had different expectations for the night as well.”

Dani turns to glance at Hannah. Her eyes remain focused on the road in front of them. She looks as calm as always but there’s a quiet anxiety about her, an unusual tension in her arms that spread all the way to her knuckles gripping the steering wheel, Dani notices.

“How did you think  _ your  _ night would go?” Dani asks. Dani could blame her bold, probing question on the alcohol still in her system but she knew a new layer had been added to their previously limited friendship. An additional layer of newfound comfortability with one another, a slightly increased intimacy that Dani was going to explore during the sober hours of daylight.

Hannah lets loose a sigh, her shoulders sagging imperceptibly. “I didn’t want to go to this ridiculous party in the first place but Owen begged me and, well,” Hannah says, a subdued fondness leaking into her words. “I thought I would mostly just be keeping Owen company, maybe having a drink or two, and be home by eleven.” A quick glance at the clock shows that it’s half past midnight. “I didn’t think- I had never anticipated that Owen would, that he would-” Hannah stumbles over her words, stopping to catch herself. 

“He would what?”

Hannah sighs again, a puff of air that sounds like defeat. “I didn’t think he would confess that he has feelings for me.”

“Hannah, that’s wonderful,” Dani exclaims, straining underneath her seatbelt until she remembers Hannah’s morose expression. “Unless that’s not wonderful and you don’t also have feelings for him.”

Hannah’s face remains uneasy. “It’s not that I don’t have feelings for him.” Dani notices the tension returning to Hannah’s arms and shoulders. “I do like him. I  _ have  _ liked him for a while but its-” Hannah pauses, catching her breath again before she continues. “It’s too late. We’re already almost two months into senior year. We would only have a few months to attempt dating and then what? We go off to different colleges in different cities, different states, heartbroken and disillusioned because we started too late. We waited too long.”

“Why are you so sure you’d get your heartbroken?” Dani asks.

“Common logic and probability puts us in different states, maybe different coasts, and then our only option is long distance and the likelihood of that working out is always minimal, at best.”

“But that doesn’t automatically mean it’s going to fail, especially before you’ve even given it a chance to start,” Dani says.    
  


“Why bother starting if it’s more than likely doomed to fail? Why risk it?” Hannah asks. “We’re so young and we haven’t even lived yet. Maybe if we had started earlier, but now it’d be so new, too new to make promises that we might not be able to keep once we graduate.”

“Hannah,” Dani says, placing a hand on her arm as gently as she could. Dani was right. Hannah’s arm was as tense as the ropes stretched above the theater stage. “I know I don’t know you incredibly well. But I do know you’re extremely smart, probably the smartest person in the whole school. You’re also like the most put together person I’ve ever met.” Hannah laughs. Dani takes that as a sign to keep going. “I think you’re very capable of handling whatever could happen between you and Owen. I mean, the amount of crises you’ve solved in newspaper and yearbook. You could handle it. If you want to, I mean.” Dani pauses, mulls over her next words. “I’m not really experienced in any kind of love or romance and I might be the last person you should listen to about this stuff, but I just think you shouldn’t refuse yourself a chance at being with the guy you like just because the timing is off. You never know what could happen.” When Dani glances away from Hannah to peer out the window, she’s surprised to notice that the car isn’t moving. And that they’re parked outside her house. She turns back to Hannah. “Sorry, I was trying to be helpful but I don’t know if that made any sense or did anything for you. I’m still a little drunk.”

Hannah laughs. “It’s alright, I heard what you were trying to say. Thank you.” She grasps Dani’s hand in hers, squeezing briefly before allowing Dani to unbuckle her seatbelt.

“Thank you again for the ride,” Dani says, sliding a leg out onto the sidewalk. “We should hangout outside of school more.”

“Yes, we should, but preferably when you’re sober.”

“Agreed.”

“Oh, Dani,” Hannah says, beckoning her attention once Dani is fully outstretched from the car seat. 

“Yeah?” She asks, bending slightly to meet Hannah’s eyes.

“Don’t give up on Jamie just yet,” she says. At the sight of Dani’s slack jaw and the redness beginning to spread across her face, she lets loose an amused chuckle. “I’m just guessing but I figured that’s what the pouting was about earlier,” Hannah says, grinning. “Don’t give up on her yet. Things just take time. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow,” is all Dani can say as she watches Hannah’s car drive off down the street.

***

Homecoming week quickly sneaks up on Dani after the end of the play. The week before Homecoming Week actually starts, Dani’s days become progressively more swamped. Her schedule is overloaded with meetings about the Homecoming parade, the Homecoming carnival, the Homecoming football game and the Homecoming dance itself. Her days devolve into endless planning and brainstorming with ASB and the cheer squad about pep rallies and the themes assigned to each week day and how best to enhance school spirit. Dani is already burnout by Tuesday. She makes it through the rest of the week on autopilot, operating with half a brain only mildly engaged in whatever is going on around her. Once school ends that Friday, Dani can’t make it to her car fast enough. While her desire to be put out of her misery grew throughout the week, so did her anticipation for the weekend that she had planned for herself and the kids.

Although Dani loathed the planning, time and mental labor that was asked of her for Homecoming preparation, Homecoming week itself was a thing Dani actively enjoyed. The pomp and circumstance of each day and event invoked the same excitement that could be felt during the weeks leading up to Christmas break. It brought decorations that lined the hall and daily festivities that led up to something everyone was looking forward to. Even if some students didn’t like the flamboyant school spirit of the pep rallies and themed days, most still enjoyed the spectacle of the carnival and the half day that fell on the Friday of Homecoming week. 

Dani had already made plans to take Flora to the homecoming carnival that weekend. Miles would be at a sleepover with some friends for the night so it would just be Flora and her. But Dani had promised to let him pick the games and activities for the next day to make up for the fact that he was missing out.

That Saturday, they stride past the twinkling lights of the entry gate with excitement already buzzing inside of them. A childish excitement that only increases when they take in the game booths, food trucks and mechanical rides sprawling out before them.

“Let’s go to the duck game first and then we can ride the small rollercoaster together,” Dani suggests, already seeing Flora map out exactly which rides she wanted to experience. 

***

“Is Jamie gonna be here?” Flora asks, abruptly causing Dani’s hand, full of soggy fries, to pause halfway to her mouth. They’re sitting on a wood bench next to the food trunks, sharing a plate of fries and some cotton candy they promised to keep a secret from Flora’s parents who didn’t want their daughter eating sugar after dinner. “Hmm, I don’t know,” Dani says, answering honestly. She hadn’t had much contact with Jamie since the strike night party a week ago. She had taken to keeping her head forward, trained on her own desk in AP Lit and actively avoiding any possible eye contact. It was for the best, Dani had decided. She had already made a big enough fool of herself. She wasn’t interested in doing it again. 

“Can we go look for her?” Flora asks. “I haven’t seen her in a while and I really miss her.” Dani smiles at the earnestness in Flora’s voice. She could empathize with that statement. 

“Didn’t she come by to work on your garden this morning?” Dani asks.

“Yeah, but she left before I had woken up. I missed her.”

“Isn’t she coming by again tomorrow morning?”

“Yes, but I don’t wanna wait that long.” Dani chuckles at the little girl’s impatience. 

“Well, maybe we’ll see her tonight, I don’t know,” Dani says, trying to seem nonchalant while she prays to anybody listening that she wouldn’t have to see Jamie that night. “But you’ll definitely see her tomorrow.”

“Have you told her you liked her yet?” Flora asks. Once again, Dani is speechless momentarily at the girl’s brazen questioning and disregard for any sort of tact. 

“No, I haven’t,” she says. 

“Why not?”

“It’s complicated.”

“You said that last time.”

“Well, it’s still complicated.”

“I thought you’re supposed to be honest with your friends.”

Dani sighs, already knowing where this was going. “Yes, most of the time, you are.”

“You and Jamie are friends,” Flora says, applying the simplicity of little kid logic with ease.    
“Why can’t you tell her the truth?”

“Flora, we can talk about this after the carnival. Right now, I wanna enjoy these fries. And you better eat your cotton candy before we get back to your house.”

Flora didn’t hesitate in stuffing globs of fluffy sugar into her mouth, effectively ending the conversation.

***

“Can we go on the ferris wheel?” Flora asks, eliciting a groan from Dani.

Flora had been pestering her all night to go on the ride that she was the least excited about. The little girl loved looking down at all the people and lights from what was really not that high a point above the ground. But all Dani could focus on was the rickety feel of the metal bars and the squeaking of the seat as the wind rocked them precariously back and forth. A sensation Dani wasn’t fond of. 

“Fine,” Dani says, giving into the little girl. Their night was winding down anyways. They had played all the games both of them had wanted to. Twice. They rode all the kitty toys, ventured into the fun house, and the one ‘haunted’ ghost ride that made Flora giggle more than anything else. 

Flora squeals in excitement, racing ahead of Dani to the line that had formed outside the metal gate surrounding the ferris wheel. “I’m so excited,” Flora says. “This is gonna be perfectly splendid.”

“I bet,” Dani says, less than enthusiastic. Dani is trailing behind Flora, looking at the girl fondly when her eyes wander up towards the ride in front her. A rush of ice floods her veins. It takes her a few seconds to realize that she’s stopped walking. “Flora, wait,” she calls after the little girl. Flora pauses a few feet away, turning back to look at Dani. “What is it?” She asks. But Dani doesn’t answer.

Dani couldn’t even answer if she wanted to. Her eyes are latched onto the ferris wheel, specifically on the pod at the very top of the machine. Where Jamie and Heather were sitting together. Mouths pressed in close, kissing. In clear view of anyone who bothered to glance up like Dani had. It feels like an eternity before Dani can tear her eyes away from them. Before she’s even fully turned her head, Dani is already working on an excuse and apology for forcing Flora to leave the carnival right before her favorite ride. But when she looks back at where Flora had been a second ago, a few feet in front of her, there is only empty space. Dani quickly scans the immediate vicinity around her. But she can’t see Flora anywhere. She starts calling her name. Dani isn’t outright panicking. Not yet. Flora had a tendency to wander off sometimes. Not usually but it had happened before. And despite the swell of dread already forming in her chest, Dani knew panic never helped anyone. She had to remain calm. She had to focus on finding Flora. 

She made a mental checklist of all the places the little girl would go in case she got lost. Her whole body felt strained as she quickly made her way through the list. Dani checked the bathroom. She checked the food trucks. Flora’s favorite games and rides. After winding back past the ferris wheel, that’s when the panic Dani has barely been keeping at bay finally spills out. She can’t help the tears that begin to streak down her face or the tightness in her lungs that makes it harder to breathe. 

“Poppins?” 

Dani shrinks away from the sound of Jamie’s voice, turning her back to the other girl and trying to pause the flow of tears streaking down her face. She tries not to think about how her body, at the same time it's trying to fight off tears, is also visibly shaking. She knows its futiles but she hopes Jamie will ignore her, that she’ll just walk away, avoid seeing Dani like this. But, of course, Dani can feel Jamie lingering behind her, can hear her take a couple tentative steps toward her. A warm hand finds its way onto Dani’s shoulder. 

“Dani?” Jamie’s voice is quiet and gentle but full of alarm. “Dani? What’s wrong?”

“I can’t find Flora,” Dani says, barely managing to get the words out through erratic breaths. “I don’t know where she is, I lost her and I-” another sob tears its way through Dani’s body. Before she knows it, strong arms are wrapping themselves around her, pressing Dani into the warmth of Jamie’s body. Soft reassurances begin to get whispered into her hair. “Hey, it’s okay,” Jamie says, her voice steady and snug against Dani’s skin. “It’s okay. Just breathe.” After a few seconds, Dani’s breaths are still shallow, her heart jackhammering away at her ribcage, but Jamie’s voice has managed to bring her back from the edge. She relishes in the pressure of Jamie wrapped around her, the sensation already lessening the painful constriction within her chest.

“Listen, I’m sure Floras’ still at the funhouse. I just saw her a minute ago-” Dani breaks away from Jamie’s arms. 

“You saw Flora?” Dani asks. 

“Yeah, over at the funhouse. She said-” But Dani doesn’t wait to hear the end of her sentence. She immediately takes off towards the funhouse. 

Dani’s tears almost reignite at the sight of Flora at the very top of the funhouse, standing along the balcony. She’s peering downwards, eyes scanning the crowds, presumably looking for Dani. Once she spots her, Flora smiles and waves both hands in her direction. Dani exhales a deep sigh of relief, waving back. She watches as Flora makes her way back into the funhouse, already anticipating the glass maze, ball bit and warped hallway the little girl was going to take her time getting through. It was gonna be a little while before she actually made her way out to Dani. 

“She’s a troublesome little gremlin, huh?” Dani hadn’t noticed that Jamie had followed her across the carnival. Or that Jamie had been beside her as she almost wept with joy at Flora’s little arms waving through the air. 

“Thank you,” Dani says. She wipes at the wetness still coating her cheeks. “I didn’t mean for you to, uh, I mean, I’m sorry about,” Dani gestures to her face. “All this. I didn’t mean to drag you into my meltdown.”

Jamie scoffs. “Nonsense, Poppins. Of course, I’m gonna help a damsel in distress,” she says, stuffing her hands into the pockets of her jeans. “And in pursuit of a lost kid, no less.”

Dani laughs, a nice sensation that’s only a little stifled by the residual tightness in her chest. “Still,” Dani says, glancing up to hold Jamie’s gaze. “Thank you, that was really sweet of you.”

Jamie’s face takes on an expression Dani doesn’t really understand. But it makes something in her stomach swoop. “Honestly, Poppins, it was no problem.” Jamie raises her shoulders in a shrug, tilting her head to the side in a show of modesty, and Dani can’t help but find the display adorable. “Anytime you’re in distress, feel free to call on me.” 

Dani laughs, sure the other girl meant those words as a joke. But glancing back up at Jamie, Dani is caught off by the sincerity in her face. Dani can’t seem to take her eyes off Jamie’s. Neither of them show any sign of breaking their gaze until the sounds of a little girl approaching shatters their spell. “Jamie! Jamie! I was hoping I’d get to see you tonight.”

Jamie grins down at the little girl, bending so she’s eye level with Flora. “You saw me earlier, sweetheart.” Dani’s ears peek up in curiosity. 

“Yeah but only for a minute. I wanted you to hangout with me and Dani.”

“Oh, no, Flora,” Dani says. “Jamie, I’m sure, has other plans and we were just-”

“No, I don’t,” Jamie says, turning to face Dani.

“What?”

“I don’t have any other plans.”

“You don’t?” Dani asks.

Flora seems to be watching them with rapt attention. 

“No,” Jamie says. “I’m completely, absolutely free if you guys want company.” She smiles at Flora who is already visibly ecstatic at the suggestion. She glances back up at Dani after a moment. “If that’s okay with you?” She asks.

“Well, we were gonna leave-” Dani starts.

“But we didn’t even get to go on the ferris wheel and I still have ten tickets left,” Flora pleads, turning her doe eyes onto Dani. “Please, Dani, please…”

Dani shakes her head, a resigned smile growing across her face. “Fine. But we’re leaving as soon as your tickets run out. You still have a bedtime.”

“Yes!” Flora exclaims. 

“Alright then,” Jamie says. “Where are we off to first?”

***

The rest of the night consists of Dani and Jamie trailing after Flora who Dani never lets get more than three feet away from her. After the intense, emotional turmoil of having lost and found Flora, Dani has reverted back to being unbearably self conscious and awkward in Jamie’s presence. She can’t seem to manage a single, coherent sentence in Jamie’s direction. Jamie, for her part, doesn’t seem to mind. She keeps a constant easy-going smile on her face and engages with Flora like it comes naturally to her, to be so good with kids. Dani can’t help but find it endearing. 

But Dani’s mind is also plagued with the image of Jamie and Heather pressed against one another on the ferris wheel. Whatever doubt Dani had had about Jamie and Heather’s relationship status had gone out the window. Dani doesn’t know what other conclusion to draw from that display of affection. They were together and all Dani’s previous suspicions had been reinforced. Her crush on Jamie was a lost cause. Something to be buried and suppressed like she had been doing successfully these last few years. She didn’t care what Rebecca said. She hadn’t witnessed Jamie making out with Heather on the ferris wheel. And she hadn’t felt the sharp sensation that tore through Dani’s chest at the sight of it. 

“Can I ask you a question?” Dani is buried so deep in her own head, it takes her a few seconds to realize Jamie had asked her a question. 

“Yeah, sure,” Dani says, smiling weakly. “What is it?”

They were standing in front of the fun house again, after Flora had begged for another go. Both had opted to wait outside while they watched the little girl tire herself out. 

Jamie opens her mouth then pauses for a second. “Are you and Viola, uh,” Jamie exhales a strained laugh, looking down at where she was kicking the grass with her shoe, almost like she was nervous. Dani notices a red tint working its way up Jamie’s neck and onto her cheeks. “Are you guys dating, or-?”

“Dating? Me and Viola?”

A look of panic erupts across Jamie’s face. “Forget it, I’m sorry if I crossed a line. I didn’t mean to probe into your personal life. It’s really none of my business. I’ll just shut up for the-” Jamie stops at the sound of Dani laughing. 

“No,” Dani smiles. “We’re not dating. We’re just friends.”

“Oh,” is all Jamie says. Her cheeks are still flushed a faded pink .

“Why?”

“Just curious is all,” Jamie says. She’s not looking at Dani. Her gaze seems to jump from the fun house to the game booths and the people rushing by, landing everywhere except on Dani.

“Does it seem like we’re-”

“No, no,” Jamie says, shaking her head then pausing. “I don’t know. I just thought, at the drama club party,” Jamie exhales, shaking her head again. “Doesn’t matter,” she grins. “I’m just a little dumb is all.”

“Dumb?” Dani asks, her eyes furrowing. “How?”

“I don’t know, I just am, Poppins,” Jamie says, catching Dani’s eye again. There’s a sort of nervous energy about her now. Less subdued than before. More like a restless humming that Dani can feel herself. “Not everyone can be as smart as you,” Jamie says, smirk quickly forming on her lips. Dani tries to keep her eyes focused on anything but Jamie’s mouth. “Best grades in the school.”

“That’s not true.” Dani says. “I don’t have the best grades in the school.”

“Eh, well, you’re right below Hannah so almost,” Jamie says. She grins at Dani. “No shame in being smart, Poppins. Being smart’ll take you a lot a places.”

“You’re pretty smart too.”

Jamie huffs a tiny laugh. “Not as smart as you.”

“Yeah, you are. I know you got an almost perfect score on the PSAT.”

Jamie raises her eyes at Dani. “How do ya’ know about my test scores?”

Dani shrugs, a blush overtaking her cheeks as she becomes the one to avoid eye contact now. “Hannah told me.”

When Dani chances a glance back up in Jamie’s direction, she finds the smirk has returned tenfold. And Dani’s knees are feeling shaky. “You askin’ about me, Poppins?”

Dani can feel her face burning a bright red. “No, of course not,” Dani says. But it sounds weak even to Dani’s ears. Jamie’s smirk remains firmly in place. “Whatever you say, Poppins.”

Dani scoffs, trying to regain some semblance of balance or dignity. “You know, you’re quite full of yourself.”

“Well, maybe if you’d stopped blushing, then there wouldn’t be a reason for me to feel so confident.”

Dani has no way to respond to that. Luckily, she doesn’t have to. That’s the moment Flora chooses to come barrelling off the slide from the top of the funhouse, yawning and ready to go home. 

***

“Dani,” Flora pipes up from the back seat of her car as she drives them back to the Wingraves house. 

“Yeah, kiddo?”

“I have something to tell you.”

Dani eyes Flora wearily in her rear view mirror. “What is it?”

“I didn’t exactly, uh, get lost.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, it was kind of an accident but then I had an idea and it seemed so perfect so I…”

“Flora, what are you talking about?”

“I saw you see Dani kiss that other girl,” Flora says. “I was already at the ferris wheel but then I couldn’t see you so I waited for Jamie to get off the ride. Then you were looking for me and I had the idea that if I told Jamie where I was then she would tell you and bring you to me. Then we could hang out together.”

Dani is speechless for a minute. Unable to really say anything other than, “Flora,” in a long sigh. “Flora, you can’t hide from me like that. I was really scared.”

“I know. I felt really bad but I thought if you got to hangout with Jamie you would feel better.”

“You should see her tomorrow,” Flora says. “She gets to the garden at 7 in the morning. And she really likes tea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments and validate me.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen, I know it's been a while. I'm sorry, I had minor surgery and a bunch of other stuff came up but I finally got this done. It's a bit longer than usual so hopefully that makes up for it a little bit. Only one more chapter to go after this.

Dani doesn’t know what she’s thinking. She honestly must be insane to first, get up before the sun has even risen. Secondly, attempt to make tea for the first time. She’s never had an occasion before to try it. She’s never really liked tea, always been more of a coffee drinker, but she was willing to try for Jamie. 

To top off the list of events as evidence of her diminished reasoning, she makes a plan to drive all the way to the Wingraves house while the streetlights are still shining. Hours before she is due to actually be there. All this for Jamie. Who Dani had seen with her lips pressed against Heather’s not even twenty four hours ago. 

This was a bad idea. An extremely ill-conceived, horrendous idea likely to end in severe humiliation. But as Dani paced about her kitchen, waiting for the kettle to go off, she couldn’t get what Hannah had said to her out of her head. It was all she could think about several hours before as she tossed and turned in bed. 

Hannah was a good friend of Jamie’s. She knew what she was talking about. Even if Dani didn’t know entirely what Hannah was talking about. She was mostly running on hope and blind trust in Hannah. It was hard to imagine Hannah ever leading her down the wrong path. 

The sun starts to rise on Dani’s drive towards the Wingraves. By the time she is pulling into the driveway, there is enough light to illuminate the outline of a familiar figure in the greenhouse. Dani’s stomach clenches in time with her fingers as they white knuckle the steering wheel. She thinks about just driving back home, forgetting this whole ordeal. She could crawl right back into the comfort of her sheets, attempt to sleep and pretend this had never happened. But she is already here. Holding a thermos full of tea she won’t drink. She thinks of Flora, how the little girl had given her an in. The least Dani could do was follow through. 

Dani had never been in the green house, had never ventured off the path of the driveway or the general front lawn while she was babysitting Miles and Flora. Most of their time was usually spent playing inside, and, when they did venture out of the house, they never went past the hedges lining the front lawn, never further than what could clearly be seen through the front windows. The greenhouse sits at the edge of the lawn, nestled on the side of the house between the clear plot of grass and the scattered edge of trees lining the forest. Standing outside her car, Dani has no choice but to let her feet guide her to the greenhouse. There’s nowhere else for her to go but forward. 

Jamie is standing at the counter farthest from the door, tending to several plants. Her work coveralls are on. It takes her a second to notice Dani’s presence. Her face is a force of concentration as she waters the soil in front of her with the utmost precision and care. When she finally raises her head, her eyes catch onto Dani like a moth to flame. A grin curls across her face, breaking whatever stoic concentration she had been embodying. The sudden sight of that smile directed at her has Dani forgetting every reason that brought her to this greenhouse.

“Poppins,” she says, a lilt of surprise in her voice. Almost a question. 

“Morning,” Dani says before Jamie can lodge the question she sees already poised on her tongue. She’s not ready to explain why she’s here. Why she’s holding a container of tea which she hates. Why she’s up before the sun. Several hours before anyone in the Wingrave house expects her to be there. 

She takes quick steps towards Jamie, holding out the thermos without another word. Jamie glances at the container in silent amusement and curiosity. “This for me?” She asks. Dani nods her head, not trusting herself to speak yet. Jamie takes the thermos from her, hands brushing Dani’s briefly. She pretends to ignore the spark that shocks her fingers. She watches, instead as Jamie takes a tentative sip of the tea. As soon as the tea enters her mouth, her face scrunches up in what is poorly-hidden disgust. Her swallow looks painful. “ S’ good,'' Jamie says, face still twisted in displeasure. Dani laughs. “Sorry,” she says. “I’m not really a tea drinker. I kinda hate it. I don’t really know how to make it.”

“Yeah, it shows,” Jamie says, the words softened through a small smile. “So why make it then if you don’t like it?”

Dani has a lie already practiced and tucked away. “We had some tea that was gonna go bad and I figured it’d be better if they didn’t go to waste,” She says. But the lie had sounded better the night before. When she was rehearsing this exact conversation in her bedroom. 

Jamie gives her a look as if Dani were a window she could easily see through. She turns her body so one side is leaning against the counter and she is fully facing Dani. “You had some tea that was gonna go bad,” Jamie says. “So you woke up at the crack of dawn, made tea you don’t even like, and drove it all the way over here just to give it to me?”

A rush of heat spreads across Dani’s skin. She can already tell her face is bright and crimson and she isn’t able to hide anything. Not with Jamie looking at her like that. 

“Poppins,” Jamie says. “You flirt.”

Dani thinks she might faint. She clears her throat and looks anywhere but at Jamie. “I, uh, just thought you might want some,” she says. “Flora said you liked tea.”

Jamie quirks a bro. Another devastating blow to Dani’s waning sanity. “You asking Flora about me?”

“No, no,” Dani shakes her head. Her face, her whole body even, feels as if full-fledged cumbustion is imminent. “The information was unsolicited.”

“Okay.” Jamie’s expression says she doesn’t believe a word Dani says. 

“What are you working on?” Dani asks, eager to change the subject. She glances over Jamie’s shoulder to the pots lining the wooden work bench. Jamie quickly gives a run down of the facts of each flower laid before her. And this is how Dani passes her first hour in the greenhouse. She doesn’t leave. She reasons to herself and Jamie that she might as well stay since she’s due at the house for babysitting duty in a few hours anyway. Might as well save gas. Dani, again, feels as if Jamie can see right through her. But Jamie doesn’t prod at her weak reasoning. She lets her idle in the greenhouse far longer than Dani had anticipated.

Dani is beyond content to lounge about near Jamie, sometimes perching herself onto the counter running along one side of the greenhouse, among the various tools, pots and plants needing to be tended to. Or folding into the couch a few feet away from the workbench. Each spot Dani is able to watch Jamie’s arms tense as she works, her jaw squared, forehead and eyebrows quirked in concentration. All the while, Jamie keeps a light pitter patter of conversation flowing between them. A relaxing give and take that takes no work on Dani’s part. Difficulty only emerges when the sun rises further into the sky and bright rays of light gradually find their way into the greenhouse through the pains of glass composing the small building. With the sun on full display, heat quickly begins to build within the glass walls. Dani sheds her sweater, comfy in an old t-shirt and jeans. Jamie, having been handling tasks that require some form of manual labor most of the morning, decides to shed the top of her work coveralls. Beneath the uniform, Jamie sports a thin tank top that showcases more skin than Dani is prepared to see this morning. Dani notices a slow collection of sweat forming along her neck. The arms of her coveralls end up tied around her waist as Jamie continues on working, as if there wasn’t a whole new expanse of skin and sinew on display. Dani, for her part, tries to keep herself composed and manages to continue the conversation as if her eyes weren’t busy tracking every inch of exposed skin. Immediately, guilt blooms within Dani’s chest. She doesn’t mean to look. Honestly. She just can’t help it as Jamie goes about her usual duties around the greenhouse. Lifting, pushing, bending and picking up pots, sacks of fertilizer and various containers with ease as a sheen of sweat develops across her skin. Dani herself, despite not moving for the past hour, is getting noticeably warm as well. She wonders if the shirt she wore today was too thick. Maybe she should’ve opted for a tank top like Jamie. For the most part, though, she’s content to sit and watch, only half paying attention to the conversation at hand. And if she gets a bit too distracted by the muscles tensing in Jamie’s arms as she struggles with a particularly heavy pot, and misses the words that have been spoken to her. Well, that’s of little consequence in comparison to the image of Jamie before her. 

“Poppins?” Jamie’s voice cuts through the warm haze that has enraptured her attention, focused solely on the flexing muscle in Jamie’s arms. 

“Hmm?” Dani asks, eyes darting up to meet Jamie’s amused gaze. She finds an impish grin that knows what Dani had just been staring at. The warmth returns to her cheeks in a painful blaze. But it's nothing in comparison to the heat pooling in Dani’s stomach. 

“Distracted, are we?” Jamie asks, continuing to work on repotting the plant in her gloved hands. 

“Sorry,” Dani smiles, sheepish. Her eyes pointedly flit across Jamie's face, trying to regain some dignity. “What were you saying?”

A smirk curling across Jamie’s lips inflames the desire coiled up within her. “I was asking what you ASB kids got cooked up for the Homecoming game?” She asks. “Don’t you always do a theme or something? Try to trick kids into getting drunk on school spirit?”

Jamie says ‘school spirit’ as if it were a bad word, mouth crinkling in disdain around the phrase. Dani laughs. 

“We have a pink out planned,” Dani says, choosing to ignore the latter part of Jamie’s question. “We weren’t feeling particularly creative this year.”

“Shame,” Jamie says. Her eyes glisten as she holds Dani’s gaze. “At least, I get to see you in that cute cheerleading uniform.”

She says the words as if it were a casual, passing thought. Not a bomb lit within Dani. Not something that robbed her of her ability to find words in the seconds following. Dani's mouth opens and closes around a series of attempts to gain some footing in the conversation once again. “You’re coming to the Homecoming game?” she asks, opting to ignore Jamie’s comment all together.

“Yeah,” Jamie shrugs, as if her attending any school event, particularly a sporting event or one based in ‘school spirit’, wasn’t a rare, if not abnormal, occurrence. “Doesn’t everybody?”

“Not you,” Dani says. “I’ve been a cheerleader all four years of high school and you never go to football games.” Dani doesn’t dare mention the only game she has ever spotted Jamie at. She can’t bring up Heather or any of the questions that would normally be poised on her lips, desperate for answers. Not when it feels like something akin to flirting is taking place and a delicate balance is working itself out before her very eyes. She banishes the thought from her mind, focusing only on Jamie’s infectious grin and restless hands. 

“How would you know?” Jamie asks, smirk adding to the heat already clinging to the skin underneath her t-shirt. “You’ve been looking for me in the stands?”

Dani doesn’t have a way to avoid the question. Not one that wouldn’t be noticed and bring attention to how flustered she already is, sitting underneath Jamie’s gaze, feeling as if she was caught in the monster’s teeth. “I would have noticed you,” is what Dani chooses to say. 

“Really?” Jamie raises a skeptical brow. She wipes at the sweat forming along her forehead, leaving a smudge of dirt behind. Dani’s hands itch to rub at the skin with her thumb. 

“You’re very...noticeable.”

Her lips curl upward, brows quirking as she regards Dani. “Noticeable, huh?” She asks, hands working at the dirt in front of her. “Is that right?”

Dani swallows. Glances down at her hands playing with the hem of her t-shirt. “Yeah, noticeable.” The words are unsure and quiet as they leave her mouth. She can’t look at Jamie as she says them, choosing to focus on her fidgeting hands instead. 

“Speaking of the Homecoming game,” Jamie starts after a beat of tense silence. “I was wondering-”

“Dani!” A small, excited voice can be heard somewhere near the door before Flora’s tiny body is racing towards Dani. She flings herself onto the couch, landing where Dani’s own legs are tucked underneath herself. “Oh, Flora,” she says, wrapping her arms around the small frame clinging to her. “Good morning to you too.”

“It is, isn’t it?” Flora says, raising her face from the front of Dani’s t-shirt. “A perfectly splendid morning.”

Dani glances up at Jamie, watching as she takes in the sight of Flora wrapped up in Dani. An amused smile graces her lips as she pulls herself from her work station.

“What are you doing up, kiddo?” Jamie asks, taking a few steps towards them. “You’re usually dead to the world for a few more hours.”

“Yeah, you’re still in your nightgown, Flora,” Dani says, concern beginning to seep into her voice. “You should really be wearing shoes or a coat or something.”

“It’s boiling outside,” Flora says. “Besides, I couldn’t wait. I wanted to see you.”

“See me?” Dani asks.

“Yes, I knew you’d be here early so I wanted to wake up as early as I could to come see you and Jamie.”

“You knew Dani would be here early?” Jamie asks. Her face is confused before the beginnings of a grin playing out across her lips. Dani hopes her face doesn’t give her away. Before Flora can answer, Dani convinces her to run inside so she could join her for breakfast. The little girl can’t skip out of there fast enough. 

“You plotting something with the little one, now, Poppins?”

“No, not plotting,” Dani says, shaking her head with a small laugh that sounds unconvincing even to her ears. “Just trying to repay a favor.”

“Like I already said, there’s no favor that needs repaying, yeah? Any time you lose a kid, you can gladly call me.” Another smile curls across her lips. “Or, for anything really, call me. Any time you’d like.”

A smile can’t help but spread itself wide across Dani’s cheeks. “Thanks,” Dani says. “Are you gonna-” Dani nods towards the house where she imagines the kids are already clambering about for breakfast. Flora, at least, is definitely running around the kitchen.

“No,” Jamie says, shaking her head. “I’d rather be out here with the plants, thanks.”

“Suit yourself,” Dani says. She exits with slow steps as she shoots Jamie a departing grin that matches her own. 

***

After breakfast, Dani spends the early afternoon running around with Miles and Flora in the yard. Throughout their antics, she keeps an eye out for Jamie as she goes about her various tasks around the house and surrounding landscape. She sends a smirk and wink her direction every so often when she catches Dani looking. Sometime in the afternoon, an hour after Jamie is usually done and gone, according to Flora, Dani decides to put the kids to work in the kitchen. They present Jamie with fresh, homemade lemonade as she toils away in the rose garden. 

“Oh, wow,” Jamie says, rising up from where she had been squatting on the ground as Dani and the kids approach. “Did you gremlins make this?” She asks, shooting a suspicious glance towards Dani. 

“Hey,” she says, feigning offence. “I might not be able to make tea but I can handle lemonade.”

“Right,” Jamie says, raising the glass to her lips. “Not bad,” she says, looking at the kids before glancing back towards Dani. 

“We also have sandwiches Dani made for lunch,” Flora says. “Would you care for one?”

“Sure,” Jamie says, brow quirked in confusion. “I could eat.”

“Splendid,” Flora says before taking off across the lawn back towards the house, Miles in tow. Dani is about to follow when she notices the look Jamie is giving her. 

“Tea and lemonade, poppins?” She shakes her head slightly, her curls held back by a bandana tied around her head. “You really know how to treat a girl.”

Dani shrugs, fighting back another full body flush. “Just trying to say thank you-” She puts up a hand as she sees Jamie begin to open her mouth. “I know I don’t  _ have _ to thank you but I really do. You helped me find Flora and you managed to keep me from falling apart even more at the carnival. So, yeah, just let me make you tea and lemonade, it’s the least I can do.”

Jamie exhales a delighted little breath of air. “Okay, poppins,” she says. “Just no more tea, please. The lemonade I can handle but not the tea.”

“Deal.”

***

Dani doesn’t see Jamie again until AP Lit class the following Monday. They’re broken up into two-person groups for an annotation assignment. Quickly, Jamie has claimed Dani as her partner. Jamie quickly slides into the unoccupied seat beside her as Mrs. Howard settles in at her desk. They settle into work quickly, the assignment pretty easy for both of them. Dani would have already finished if she weren’t so distracted by the limited amount of space between her and Jamie. Her proximity has Dani having to reread several lines far too many times. She’s so distracted that it takes her several moments to notice that Jamie has asked her a question. And is looking at Dani with a mixture of amusement and curiosity. “Sorry, what?” Dani asks. Jamie smiles, as if Dani’s lapse in concentration was just a charming quirk.

“Homecoming,” She says. The word strikes at something in Dani. The brief flicker of a fantasy she buries before it can become a coherent thought. The whole process leaves a bitter taste in her mouth as she steals herself for the conversation.

“Yeah?” Dani asks. “What about it?” A bit more biting than she might have intended.

“Are you going with anyone?” Jamie’s eyes are wide and cautious as Dani’s face morphs into one of surprise. 

“No.”

“Why not?”

Dani lets loose a confused laugh. “Because no one’s asked me?”

“Unbelievable.”

“Completely believable to me actually.” Dani pauses, contemplates whether or not she really wants to know the answer to her next question. “Are you going?”

“Yeah, I was hoping to,” Jamie says. And Dani knew this was where any talk about Homecoming lead. Any time any one talked about homecoming, it was always centered around who you hoped to go with or who you were already going with. 

“I guess you’re gonna go with Heather, right?” Dani figures she should just jump to the inevitable conclusion, rip off the band aid and be done with it. Let her confirm what she knew to be true and put to bed any unrealistic fantasies roaming about in her subconscious. 

Jamie’s eyebrows furrow in confusion. “Heather? Wh-”

“Alright, class,” Mrs. Howard says, having made her way to the front of the class while this conversation upended Dani. And with, a glance at the clock, Dani saw there was only five minutes left of class. She quickly rushed to finish what was left of the assignment as Mrs. Howard reiterated what themes they were supposed to be looking out for in the text. She tuned out Jamie, not ready to hear whatever it was she was about to say. Jamie seemed to understand as she turned her body and attention away from Dani. The conversation was over. 

***

With the Homecoming Dance growing closer as they inch along Homecoming week, Dani can’t conjure up any of the excitement this week would usually bring her. With the dance looming closer, she can’t help but think of Jamie. And, with Jamie, Heather. She loathes being a stereotypical lovesick teen, moping over someone who doesn’t like her back. But her senior year was passing by her, creeping closer towards the finishing line of a four year crush she hadn’t done anything about until her final year. And Dani was just now feeling the consequences of that fear, the true weight of regret. She had had years before to make a move. She had waited too long. But even so, Jamie didn’t owe her anything. She probably wouldn’t have returned Dani’s affections regardless of Heather’s presence. But still, all the what if scenarios ran like a collection of Dani’s worst mistakes at the back of her mind, unable to stop beating herself up. 

Dani had been to every Homecoming dance since Freshman year. She had gone with her neighbor, Eddie, that first year, not knowing anyone else that well. The subsequent years she usually went with a large enough group of friends to mask the fact that she actually was just going alone, or, mainly, just tagging along with Rebecca and Peter. But she always managed to have fun, enjoy the bad music, the bass pounding too aggressively through the floor of the gymnasium, the throng of bodies that didn’t really know how to dance but tried their best to look like it. It was enough for Dani who enjoyed throwing her body around with Rebecca, the room too dark, music too loud, for anything to really matter in the moment besides their dancing. It didn’t even matter that Jamie was never there. 

Dani didn’t think she could stomach witnessing Jamie at the dance, wrapped up in Heather. She knew she wouldn’t be able to distract herself with Rebecca or even Hannah’s company alone. She knew, even if the room was dim, the music deafening, the bodies a writhing, incomprehensible mess, at the back of her mind, she would still be looking for Jamie. She would torture herself throughout the night. And she couldn’t fathom having to see them lock lips again. Dani wasn’t up for crying in public. Again.

Eventually, she came to the decision that it was best if she stayed home. A decision Rebecca couldn’t fathom nor was willing to accept without a fight. But eventually, Dani’s stubbornness outlasted hers and she solemnly resigned herself to a night without her best friend. But Rebecca isn’t the only one with questions or concerns. 

“You’re really not going to Homecoming?” Hannah asks. They’re hidden in the back room of the classroom that doubled as the headquarters for Yearbook and Newspaper. Both Hannah and Dani are hunched over page spreads that some Sophomore had failed to do properly. 

“No,” Dani sighs, an answer she was already tired of repeating to her mother, Rebecca and various girls on the cheer team. 

“Don’t you go every year?” Hannah asks. Over the past couple of weeks since the strike party, Hannah and Dani’s mild friendship that had previously been relegated only to the shared backroom of Yearbook and Newspaper grew outside of the classroom walls. She had found out Hannah shared her lunch period. When Peter or any of the other boys got to be too annoying, Dani found it easy to shuffle her lunch tray across the cafeteria to Hannah’s table. Where Owen was also usually keeping her company, on a break from working the lunch line. She found herself sharing her table more often than not as the weeks went on. Their friendship had accelerated to a higher level of intimacy that came with talking down someone on the verge of tears and holding their hair back as they threw up in a random bathroom. A comfortable air now surrounded them, void of any residual embarrassment. Conversation flowed easily between the two. 

“Not this year, I guess,” she says. They hadn’t talked about Jamie since the vague comment Hannah had thrown at her at the edge of her front lawn. Dani was too embarrassed. She knew Hannah and Jamie were friends. She didn’t understand what Hannah had meant and she wasn’t willing to ask for further clarification. She thought she had probably misunderstood Hannah’s words. Especially with the image of Jamie and Heather on the top of the ferris wheel still burned into the far back of her mind. 

“It’s not a huge loss,” Dani says. Although she can tell Hannah isn’t exactly buying her fake contentment. “I’m just gonna stay home, avoid unnecessary grinding by sweaty boys, and call it a night. They’ll be other dances.”

“But why miss out on this one?”

“I’m just not feeling it this year,” Dani says, hoping it’ll be enough to deter Hannah. Luckily, Hannah seems to know when a task is futile. She doesn’t press her further. Leaving open an opportunity for Dani to turn the tables on her instead. 

“Are you going to Homecoming?” She asks.

“Of course,” Hannah says. “I’m taking pictures.”

“What? I thought Eddie was doing that.”

“He was but he suddenly got a date and asked me to cover for him. I don’t have one so it only seemed fair I cover him.”

“You don’t have a date?” Dani asks. “What about Owen?”

“Owen?” Hannah sighs. “We haven’t talked about his...declaration since that night. Neither of us have brought it up, like it never happened.”

“Why not?” Dani asks. It isn’t hard to see the wistful look in Hannah’s face or the way she keeps busy to avoid looking directly at Dani.

“It’s hard, I suppose,” She says. “We’ve been friends for so long. It’s hard to imagine taking that real, final leap.”

Dani understands. She shoots Hannah a sympathetic smile. “Well, at least you’ll look gorgeous at the dance, with or without a date.”

“If you change your mind, you could be my date,” Hannah says. “Would you do me the honor of escorting me to the dance, Miss Clayton?”

A grin overtakes Dani’s face. “I’ll think about it,” she says, knowing the answer already. “We have some time before the dance actually happens.”

***

Homecoming is always on a Saturday. And the Friday before is always the Homecoming football game. Which is mandatory for the cheer team. Which means Dani is out on the sidelines of the football field with the crisp, Fall air chilling her bones through the thin fabric of her uniform. She’s too distracted to really mind. Or really to focus on anything at all. Jamie is still on her mind. As is the shame of how delusional she had been to think Jamie returned her feelings, even for a second. She was sick of herself, of the permanent place Jamie seemed to take up in her mind. Of the burning mortification she felt every time she thought of Jamie. Dani attempts to focus on the physicality of cheering instead. She lets muscle memory take over as she performs with the other girls, the routines unchanging after four years. Her eyes aren't focused on anything in particular. Which is why it takes her a second or two to notice Jamie in the stands. The second time ever throughout their four years of high school, both within the span of a month. And for the second time, Dani is hit with a sudden wave of cold humiliation at the sight of Jamie and Heather nestled together in the stands. Shoulder to shoulder. It felt as if a fist was clenched tight within her stomach, threatening to crawl out of her throat and pressing hard against her lungs as she focused on keeping her movements steady. Unlike the last time, Dani’s eyes immediately flint around her surroundings to focus on anything beside the two girls in the stands. They find Rebecca in front of Dani, slightly to her side. Her eyes strain to remain on Rebecca until they are scattering back towards the stands. Dani feels as if there were a multitude of cramps throughout her stomach and chest. She doesn’t even have to say anything to Rebecca for the other girl to notice something is off.

“Dani,” Rebecca asks as they follow the other girls off the field. “What’s wrong? You look like you’re gonna throw up.”

Dani feels as if she’s about to throw up all over the turf beneath their feet. “I don’t feel good,” She says. She glances at the scoreboard. They’re in the middle of the fourth quarter with their team too far behind to realistically catch up or take it into overtime. Dani knows she could get away with leaving early. She could make a fastbreak to her car, citing sudden cramps or nausea. But she doesn’t want to be dramatic. She doesn’t wanna flee her last homecoming game just because she isn’t able to see Jamie with another girl and not fall apart at the sight. She wants to be able to carry on and not feel utter shame and embarrassment at the continual proof that Dani was pathetic and delusional in her thinking that Jamie would ever be into her. She wishes she wasn’t bothered by Jamie liking someone else. But Dani is. No matter how hard she wishes she was unaffected, a knife is twisting in her gut the longer she looks at Jamie and Heather. 

“I think I should go home,” Dani says. 

“What about the party?” Rebecca asks. And of course, Dani forgot about the party. The party at Peter’s house that Dani had promised to accompany Rebecca to. A rare occurrence but Rebecca had cited a significant need for emotional support since her and Peter were in the middle of a fight again. Dani doesn’t really want to go but she knows she can’t leave Rebecca hanging, especially with regards to Peter. And she had promised. 

“You can pick me up after the games over,” Dani says. “I think I just need a nap then I’ll be good to go.”

“You sure? If you aren’t feeling well, you don’t have to-”

“No, I’m fine. Just a little tired.”

Dani can put up with a party at Peter’s house for the night for Rebecca. She doesn’t usually ask much of Dani. This was a small request that wouldn’t kill her. Plus, it might help to take her mind off Jamie. 

Dani escapes to her car with little scrutiny on her as she flees past the stands and gate. At home, she slides into bed without changing out of her uniform and counts down the minutes until the game was over and Rebecca would be forcing her into different clothes and out the door. 

***

The party is in full swing when Rebecca and Dani arrive. The house is packed with the usual attendees, members of every sports team the school offered, asb kids, and everyone who knew how to get a hold of drugs or alcohol whenever the occasion called for it. Which was a lot of people, apparently. People are sprinkled throughout the living room and the crowded halls that Rebecca leads Dani through, gathered in clusters along the walls and against counters and tables. They don’t stop until Rebecca finally guides them to the kitchen. The hub of all the alcohol. She quickly gets to work making herself a drink. Dani declines when she’s offered one. She’s abstaining from drinking tonight, unwilling to risk throwing up in a foreign bathroom again, even with Rebecca present to hold her hair. 

“You sure you’re alright?” Rebecca asks, sipping at the rim of a plastic red cup. “You look a little out of it.”

“No, I’m fine,” Dani says. “I’m just-”

She’s about to reassure Rebecca that she’s able to handle a party at Peter’s house for an hour or two. But her tongue gets stuck in her throat when she sees Owen in the crowd. Immediately, all her motor functions cease at the possibility of a curly-haired brunette lurking in the sea of bodies surrounding them. But it's unlikely. Dani has seen Owen without Jamie at the few parties she’s been to before. Especially a party thrown by Peter Quill, a post Homecoming game party, it’s unlikely that Jamie would ever-

“Poppins?”

And of course, the universe loves to prove Dani an idiot time and time again. 

“Jamie,” Dani says, just now taking notice of the girl who seems to have suddenly materialized in the kitchen. Red plastic cup already in hand. 

“Nice running into you at another social function,” Jamie says. Normally, Dani would be turning to liquid at the sound of Jamie’s voice and the playful quirk of her lips. But Dani just feels cold. Followed by the insidious beginnings of shame growing within her stomach. 

“Drinking again?” Jamie asks. It takes a second for Dani to realize Jamie is talking to her. And that Rebecca is staring at both of them, mainly at Dani, with an inscrutable expression. It’s in this moment that she realizes she hasn’t kept Rebecca updated with all the nuisances and small crises that have rocked Dani’s world since the play ended. She feels an immediate surge of guilt. But it’s quickly overcome by panic as she realizes she still hasn’t answered Jamie’s question, the other girl’s eyes still on her.

“No,” Dani shakes her head. “Not tonight.”

Jamie nods her head and turns toward the counter to refill her drink. Rebecca raises her eyes at Dani, morphing her expression into one Dani is familiar with. They’ve been friends long enough to cultivate a kind of telepathic communication using only their eyes and the smallest facial movements. Dani can see clearly that Rebecca is asking what is wrong and if she needs help. Dani doesn’t know how to answer either of those questions. All she knows is she doesn’t think she can be this close to Jamie so soon after seeing her at the game. Luckily, Dani seems to have successfully communicated that enough for Rebecca to understand. She flashes her eyes at Dani. “We better go find Peter,” Rebecca says, stepping towards Dani, putting her hand on her shoulder as if to guide her out of the kitchen. She tosses a polite smile in Jamie’s direction. “Sorry,” she says, as if she were interrupting a riveting conversation instead of an awkward, barely five-worded exchange. “No worries,” Jamie says, but she stares at Dani in puzzlement. And possibly concern. Dani doesn’t say anything as she walks away. She knows it's a bit rude, almost cruel, but she can’t open her mouth, doesn’t even know what half-hearted parting she could say that wouldn’t completely give away her inner turmoil. She’s never been good at masking her emotions very well. At least, not for this long and not emotions this intense. She wasn’t skilled at keeping her composure in situations where she was several minutes away from an anxiety attack. And she knows, another minute spent in that kitchen with Jamie would’ve led her down that path. It was easier back when there was a tangible distance between Jamie and her. Her feelings were easier to ignore back then. But with Jamie smiling at her, cracking what almost felt like private, inside jokes between them, any previous barrier between them had been hammered down to dust. 

Dani keeps her eyes forward, focused on Rebecca’s back as she leads her through the maddening, drunken crowd again. She feels a twinge in her stomach as she turns her back on Jamie but ignores it. She chooses to bask in the relief in her chest as more distance is put between them. Dani wants to be Jamie’s friend. She really does. But it was too soon. Too much to handle for one night. Dani had to figure out how to handle her emotions without falling apart. It wasn’t fair to Jamie who really hadn’t done anything wrong. Dani just needed to breathe. She needed space to clear her head and figure out what to do. Or more specifically, time to get out the cracks in her heart that seemed to mend with every smile, laugh, twinkled-eye’d smirk and “poppins” thrown her way. But reappeared with more depth every time Dani conjured up the images of Jamie and Heather together. It was almost like picking at a toothache, tonguing the dull pain just to see how much you could take before you had to stop. 

Rebecca ends up leading Dani towards the backyard where some of the girls from the cheer squad are hanging out on the patio. Within seconds, people are scooting over on couches and chairs and they’re swept into the circle without question. Dani tries to focus on the conversations happening around her, chiming in when necessary, and making the right facial expressions while she thinks of a way to escape the party without completely ditching Rebecca. Rebecca, who, after half an hour, is finishing her second drink, on her way to a third and is gonna need plenty of time to sober up enough to drive Dani home tonight. Rebecca can sometimes forget how low her tolerance actually is. Especially when Peter’s arm is around her, encouraging her wild impulses and always promising her a safe place in his bed. Dani can tell whatever fight that had happened between them was either forgotten or forgiven at this point. Dani watches as they nestle into each other in a far corner of the backyard, whispering as if they were the only two people on the planet. Dani can already tell Rebecca has made the choice to stay the night by the way she has woven herself into Peter and hasn’t returned to the seat besides Dani. 

Dani isn’t that surprised. It’s not the first time Rebecca has dragged Dani to a party only to end up drunk and entangled with Peter the whole night. But she isn’t upset. If anything, it gives her a way to avoid staying at the party any longer. The only trouble is getting home. Dani reasons she could probably walk home if she needs to. Peter’s house isn’t that far from hers. Only a couple miles. But it is dark and freezing outside. Dani makes her way towards the front porch, eyeing the night sky and the dimly lit street laid out in front of her. Dani could also order a Lyft. Which she doesn’t have any money for but knows Rebecca would pay for out of guilt.

“Hope you’re not thinking of walking home,” a voice says from behind her. Jamie is closing the door behind her as she turns around. “Pretty girls like you don’t usually fare well walking alone late at night.”

“I was gonna order a Lyft, actually,” Dani says. 

“I can give you a ride home,” Jamie says. “If you’d like.”

“What about the party?” Dani asks.

“What about it?”

“Aren’t you gonna miss it?”

“I hate parties anyways,” Jamie says. “I don’t even like anyone in there besides Owen. Barely. And you.” Dani hopes she hides the jolt that runs through her body at those words. Jamie shrugs, hands buried in her pockets. “And you’re leaving, so looks like half my reason for staying is going to be gone anyway.”

“What about Owen? How’s he gonna get home?”

“I’ll come back for him.”

Dani folds her arms around her middle. “Jamie, I can’t ask you to drive me all the way home and then come all the way back here.”

“It’s not a problem, poppins,” she says. “Honestly, what am I gonna do? Let you get into a car with some strange man from some app? Sounds dangerous.”

“Jamie,” Dani cracks a smile, the first genuine one of the night, as she shakes her head. 

“Honest, what kinda friend would I be if I let you do that?” Jamie says. “Please, for the sake of my conscience, let me drive you home. I’m much safer than a stranger from the internet.”

“The drivers from Lyft are verified,” Dani says.   
  


“Still don’t trust them,” Jamie says. “Anyone could be verified. Ted Bundy would probably be verified if he were around.”

Dani can’t help but shake her head and laugh at Jamie’s efforts to accept her offer. She knows it’s a bad idea. Being confined in a small space with just Jamie for any amount of time can’t possibly be good for maintaining control of her inconvenient emotions. But she already knows she’s going to accept before Jamie’s even finished convincing her. 

“Sure,” She says. “Let’s go.”

***

The front seat is silent and tense as they drive towards Dani’s house. Dani decides then and there that she needs to start driving her own car places to avoid awkward car rides home. The easy air that had existed between them on the porch disappeared as soon as they got into the car. Neither she nor Jamie have uttered a word since they started driving. Music is flowing from the speakers so softly that Dani can barely hear it. She doesn’t dare move to turn the volume dial up no matter how hard she wishes to drown the silence in something else.

“Are you mad at me or something, poppins?” Jamie asks. The words are so sudden, disrupting the silence that they had just been sitting in, Dani almost jumps. But she manages to fight the urge. Instead, she curls further into herself against the passenger side door. She turns her face away from Jamie on the off chance she could tell she was lying just by glancing at her face. 

“No,” She says. 

“Really?” Jamie asks. Dani can feel her eyes surveying her in the passenger seat. “ ‘Cause it just felt weird in the kitchen earlier. It might just be in my head but it just seemed like you were upset with me or something.” There’s a pause, a space for Dani to refute or confirm Jamie’s suspicions. But she just remains quiet in the front seat. Jamie continues. “If you are, I’d like to know what I did wrong.” The words aren’t accusatory. They’re soft and tentative, almost contrite.

Dani gulps down the knot forming in her throat. She closes her eyes to fight the moist heat starting to collect there. 

“I mean, whatever it is, I’m sorry,” Jamie says. “I’m sure it-”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” she rushes out. “I just, uh, i-it’s me, honestly.”

“What’s you?”

“I just have some stuff going on,” Dani says. “It’s whatever. I didn’t mean to take it out on you. I’m sorry.”

“No worries, poppins,” Jamie says. She glances at Dani, eyes warm and full of concern. “Wanna talk about it?”

“Not really,” Dani says. “It’s, uh, it’s a lot and I already was so shitty to you tonight. I don’t wanna unload on you.”

“Well, if you change your mind, it honestly isn’t a bother. And you have my number if ever wanna talk about anything ever.” Jamie shrugs off the words but her face is sincere and serious as she looks at Dani. 

It feels as if a gap has been opened within Dani. She doesn’t deserve Jamie’s kindness. Dani doesn’t reply until she spots her house as they turn onto her street. “You’re a good friend, Jamie,” she says. Her eyes are on her house as she speaks, unable to bear Jamie’s eyes still glancing at her every few seconds. Humiliation and a slew of other ugly emotions still simmer underneath Dani’s skin. But, on top of them, a sort of calm has washed over her suddenly. Fed by a renewed appreciation, almost reverence, for Jamie. Even if Jamie didn’t like her in the way Dani wanted, at least she liked Dani enough to be a friend to her. A better friend than she probably deserved. 

Jamie shoots her a grin as if Dani hadn’t acted cold to her for no apparent reason tonight. “You’re not so bad yourself, poppins,” She says. She stays parked in front of Dani’s house until the front door has closed behind her. She hears the engine turn over and fade away as she mounts the stairs towards her room.

***

It was a usual ritual for most of the girls on the cheer team to get ready at Rebecca’s, completely taking over her bedroom and bathroom. At this time of night, Dani would usually be among them, the first to help out with Rebecca’s meticulous routine of preparing her hair for the night. Instead of wielding a curling iron and hairspray, Dani was tucked into her living room couch. Her mom was gone for the night, working late. She had left a twenty on the counter for pizza which Dani quickly took advantage of. If she was gonna stay home and sulk, she might as well binge on carbs as well. Reruns of The Golden Girls was on the TV. Her comfort show which required minimal mental engagement. She was in her softest pair of sweats, hair pulled back in a loose bun and a t-shirt that had seen better days. She was sufficiently comfortable for the long night ahead of her. It only slightly lessened the ache in her chest. The dull melancholy she was doing her best to ignore. Most of the embarrassment from the previous night had faded but there was still a deep sadness that could only be endured through junk food and her favorite sitcoms. 

Half way through an episode she had seen at least twice before, the doorbell ring. It’s followed by a quick succession of knocks. She snatches the cash off the counter on her way to the door. She doesn’t care enough to feel any sort of embarrassment about her outfit, especially considering it’s just a pizza delivery. Opening the door, she really wishes she would have glanced through the peephole beforehand though. Jamie is standing on her doorstep. A white dress shirt tucked into dark slacks. Suspenders holding them up over her shoulders. “Hey, Poppins,” she grins, sheepish as a hand comes up to rub at the back of her neck. Dani doesn’t think she can speak. She doesn't seem to be able to conjure any words to mind. Her brain is stalled, tripping up on the sight of the cuffs rolled up Jamie’s arms and the suspenders seeming to hold everything together. 

Jamie swallows. A motion Dani follows with her eyes as she takes in as much of Jamie as she can. Jamie’s own eyes flit over Dani as if searching for something, nervous fingers still fidgeting at the back of her neck. The white fabric is stretched tight around the outline of her arm at the movement. Dani forces her gaze back onto Jamie’s face. 

“Can I come in?” She asks. Dani nods, still unable to speak with the sudden dryness in her throat. She opens the door wider, stepping aside to allow Jamie through. She watches as Jamie glances about her house, finding her way to the living room by the sound of the television. Dani swears she’s dreaming. There’s no way Jamie is in her house right now, especially looking like that. And looking down at her own outfit, not while Dani is dressed like this. She folds her arms over the old stains of her t-shirt as she attempts to find her voice. “What are you doing here?” Dani asks. “Not that I’m not, um, happy to see you, or, you know, but, um, what…” Dani trails off, unable to verbalize exactly what she’s asking.

She feels as if she’s buzzing, tip toeing along a live wire and trying to stay upright. The air around her seems to be holding a collective breath, waiting for something but Dani doesn’t know what. Jamie herself seems to be vibrating, unable to stop fidgeting with the buckle of her suspender. There’s a jittery air about her that Dani can’t help but find endearing, if not contagious, feeding into her own anxiety.

“Sorry to barge in on you like this,” She says after a moment. “Rebecca told me you were home. Trust me, I didn’t mean for this to be creepy or anything.” She lets loose a nervous, little laugh at the end of her sentence. Her head is dipped towards the ground, not looking at Dani. 

“You asked Rebecca where I was?”

“Yeah, I was wondering why you weren’t at the dance and she told me you were home. I didn’t plan on coming here,” Jamie says, watching her foot toe at the carpet of the living room with great intensity. “But she told me maybe I could talk some sense into you and, I mean, I remembered where you lived from driving you home.”

“Talk some sense into me?” Dani takes a step forward. She doesn’t know why but something tells her that the closer she is to Jamie, the more she’ll be able to understand what’s going on.

“She wanted you to be at Homecoming, said that if anyone could convince you it would be me. I didn’t believe it but she was really adamant about it and, honestly, I also wanted you to be at Homecoming.”

“Jamie, I don’t-”

“Poppins, I’ve been trying to ask you out for weeks now,” Jamie says. The words fly out her mouth quiet and quick. Her head snaps up, surprise and uncertainty spread across her face as if she wasn’t prepared for those words to leave her. But they did. Silence settles between them as she watches Dani. 

“Weeks?” Dani asks. 

“Well, that’s not exactly true,” Jamie says, punctuating her next sentence with a rough cough. “More like years.”

“Years?”

Jamie’s eyes are bright and waiting as she stands in front of her. “I’ve liked you for a while, Dani.”

“You-” Dani’s mouth stumbles over itself. The mechanics of her mouth and mind are out of sync. “Years?”

“Yeah, ever since freshman orientation. I had kinda assumed you were straight until recently.”

“I’m not-”

“I know.” Jamie takes a step closer. “I had thought there was something there, something going on, what with all the flirting and such during the play and in class. I’d thought it might be in my head but then you brought me awful tea at the crack of dawn-”

Jamie glances at her curiously, waiting for something. Dani doesn’t know what to say. Jamie goes on. “But then you got really weird after that, during the party at Quint’s, and I thought maybe I was misreading things but then Rebecca-”

“Rebecca?” Dani cuts in. Her stomach clenches at the thought of her friend divulging her secret, agonizing crush to said crush. “Did she tell you-”

“No, she didn’t tell me anything,” Jamie says, shaking her head. “She just kinda hinted that if I did like you, it would probably be in my best interest to pull a big romantic gesture right now.”

“This is your romantic gesture?” Dani asks.

Jami glances down at herself in the middle of Dani’s living room, dressed in semi formal attire. She meets Dani’s eye again with a sheepish grin. “I didn’t have enough time to grab flowers or an elaborate sign and all that. Plus, I didn’t wanna overdo it in case Rebecca was wrong and you actually despise me. Figured better to play it safe, make less of a fool of myself.”

“She’s not wrong,” Dani says. “I don’t despise you.” Dani shakes her head, her body warm and humming all of a sudden. “I could never.”

“Oh,” Jamie nods. “Well, that’s good.”

Dani laughs, a surprising bright burst of sound. “I mean I also like you very much.”

“In a friend way or a hand-holding, dating, making-out-under-the-bleachers kinda way?”

Dani's face burns at the tail end of that sentence. She can’t help the images that rush through her mind or the full body flush that accompanies them. Jamie seems to relish in the sight with a knowing smirk. “The second one,” Dani says. 

“Well, that’s good,” Jamie says. “Splendid, even.” She takes a step towards Dani, close enough that Dani could easily run a hand along her suspenders, slip underneath them even. But before she gets too lost in Jamie, Dani remembers why she was “acting really weird” at the party in the first place.

“What about Heather?” Dani asks. Her whole body is tense, ready to be let down, ready for Jamie to suddenly remember she has a girlfriend, that this confession was a terrible lapse in judgment and leave. Instead, Jamie’s face just twists in confusion. 

“Heather? What about her?”

Dani feels as if a piece of the puzzle has just slipped through her fingers. “I saw you kissing her at the carnival,” she says, the words accusatory even though Dani doesn’t mean them to be. But she knows what she saw. “And at the party, you guys were- you were acting like-”

“Oh,” Jamie sighs. She runs a hand through her hair and drops her eyes to the floor again. Her face is red when she raises her gaze to meet Dani’s. “That wasn’t what it looked like. Honestly, Heather was-  _ is _ just a friend. At the carnival, she tried to be more than friends but I wasn’t interested. And at the party-” Jamie pauses, searching for words. Her expression is twisted in discomfort. Her eyes lower as her hand comes up to rub at the back of her neck again. Dani fights the urge to grab her hand and replace it with her own. “I just- I thought something was going on between you and Viola so, I, uh, I acted out a bit, I guess. I was being an idiot. I wasn’t feeling too great about it but it wasn’t- It was a mistake and I should’ve just told you head on that I liked you, poppins,” Jamie says. “I was really immature and childish and I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to tell you but if you’re still interested-” Jamie’s voice gets swallowed within the impatience and exuberance of Dani’s mouth.

There are currents of warmth rushing through her head, making everything simultaneously fuzzy and clear as she surges forward into Jamie with all she can muster. Just as quickly as they came together, they’re suddenly pulled apart again. Jamie steps back. She stays close enough that Dani’s hands remain braced on the spaces where Jamie’s collar bone connects with her neck. And Jamie’s breath is tickling her lips. “You sure?” Jamie asks, voice low in the small space between them. Their foreheads are nestled against one another, the tips of their noses almost brushing. Dani doesn’t speak. She can barely give an almost imperceptible nod before she presses forward again without another thought. And it’s like inhaling fresh air after being inside for who knows how long. Jamie’s lips are tentative at first. A gentle pressure that Dani easily matches. Then there’s an explorative slip of tongue past Dani’s lips. And everything becomes inflamed. Dani’s hands slide up from Jamie’s shoulders to wound themselves in the curls at the back of her neck. She tugs at the root of her hair, trying to get her closer, just wanting  _ more _ , earning her a groan from Jamie. And Dani doesn’t know what to do but bask in the sound and try to get her to make it again. She licks at Jamie’s mouth, matching her strokes with her own, impatient, starving and taken over by something she’s never felt before. She’s pressing and pulling and licking-

The doorbell rings. They break away from each other’s lips but their bodies remain flushed against one another, Dani’s hands still entangled in Jamie’s hair, Jamie’s still gripping Dani’s hips. 

“Pizza,” Dani says, attempting to catch her breath against Jamie’s cheek. 

“You ordered pizza?”

“Yeah.”

“Good ‘cause I’m starving.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that takes care of that. Honestly, most of this chapter has been done for a while but it's the scene where they finally kiss that's been killing me. I hope it's okay, let me know, I can never tell, I'm just trying my best. But, anyway, next chapter, the final chapter, is gonna be more of an epilogue. I have the basics of what I'm gonna include in my vague outline but, because it took me so long to finish this, if you guys want to see anything specific in the last chapter, let me know and I may or may not write it in if I feel so inclined.


End file.
